Today, I need some therapy. I will record my feelings and experience of being consecutively rejected TWICE in one week. I both got rejections for my HESP grant application and my late-breaker abstract for the American Public Health Association (APHA) 2023 Conference.
How did I feel? Certainly, there were feelings of dejection, dispiritedness, and self-doubt. The imposter complex reared its ugly head again. However, the feelings were fleeting. HESP rejection lasted about a day, while the abstract rejection lasted for a few hours. I guess what lingered a little longer was the feeling of failure of having been rejected back-to-back in one week. I described it to Mico as a one-two punch then the right hook. Usually though, such feelings of failure would take at least three days for me to overcome. I would wallow in my dismalness at first, then mull over my mistakes. This time around, I was able to get over it in less than 72 hours.
Perhaps because I did not have any regrets in what I did, and because I knew I gave it my 100%. I burned the midnight oil writing that grant. There were many exchanges between me and my adviser, and he also spent time and effort checking my work. But despite not winning the grant, I do not feel that bad about it. What mattered to me was the journey rather than the destination. Writing a simple grant application (yes, this was way simple compared to a real grant proposal) was challenging and tough, especially for me who's a new wannabe researcher in the field of Alzheimer's Disease and Related Dementia (ADRD). However, I learned a lot through the whole ordeal, and that's what's more important for me. Going through this arduous task taught me precious lessons in writing, critical and novel thinking, and 'selling' yourself to a scientific panel. This experience gave me a glimpse of my future as an academic here in the United States (that is, if staying here in the US is something I'd pursue), and I saw how competitive it is. In order to succeed, I must work conscientiously and consistently so I can develop and grow myself, and be really good.
As for my late-breaker abstract rejection, I got rejected not because my research sucked or it was useless, the abstract got rejected because it didn't qualify as a late-breaker abstract. The studies submitted for late-breakers are usually ground-breaking or novel, something that is outside the qualifications of a regular abstract submission. My abstract should have been submitted during the regular abstract submission. I didn't do so because initially, I did not have plans of submitting an abstract to any conference at all. I only decided to submit months after the regular submissions have ended. I never had an abstract rejected so this came as a shock to me. But then I was comforted by the fact that late-breaker abstracts are studies that are beyond the scope of regular abstract submissions. If I submitted during the regular time, I'm pretty sure my abstract would have been accepted. Anyway. I guess I won't be traveling to Atlanta by November.
Anyway, what is past, is past. This experience and the feelings associated with it serve as important lessons in navigating academia. Rejections and failures serve as opportunities for growth. I can become stronger because I've faced many challenges and failed many times. Such events make me rethink my strategies and strengthen my mettle so that next time I'm faced with obstacles, I can overcome them. There is no way but up.
Until then,
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