27: The Age Where Everything Changes. And I Mean EVERYTHING.

I remember December 2012, the month before my birthday, I was so excited to turn 27 years old. I didn't know why. But I remember looking so damn forward to it. Even if I had problems with my MS thesis, my finances, my roles as a daughter/sister/girlfriend/friend/etc., I was reaaaallly excited about 27.

And I ask myself why am I excited to turn 27?

I don't know. It just feels different. It feels different. I feel like I have something to prove--- something big--- that will make me a better person. I felt like the world is there for my taking. I was excited to learn; excited to do things that I haven't done; excited for just  about anything.

That was December 2012.

Come January 2013, I was still excited. February to June, excitement's still there but was fluctuating. July was my last month in AECOM. I remember contemplating on transferring jobs around June. The prospect of me transferring to the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology (PHIVOLCS) elated me--- I was filled with dreams of doing a looooooooot of field work--- exploring those rarely traversed regions of the country, seeking and chasing landslides and studying them. My excitement reeked out of my pores and I would always wear this silly grin while daydreaming my travels in PHIVOLCS.

Anyway let's move forward to August, the month I started with PHIVOLCS. Here's the part where I think things were starting to change. Last week of August we had a field work in Southern Leyte, Surigao del Norte, and Surigao del Sur. I noticed I became sooo choosy of our accommodations. I was easily grossed out by dirty toilets, ugly beds, ugly and smelly rooms, ugly environment, ugly everything. In short, if the place is not up to my standards, I lose my composure and my face starts to contort and I feel like the spoiled brat in me is starting to come out. I may not show tantrums but my face becomes dark and contrived. I AM NOT HAPPY. Man, I want a good place to sleep in with good amenities and a well-constructed, decent, and clean bathroom! Not this cheap, crappy place that looks like an ugly, dumbly-constructed, badly decorated, insect-infested MOMOL room of adulterous couples! YUCK! I've had it with that! Gusto ko naman yung maganda! Afford naman e, hindi kailangan magtipid for comfort and security!

Another change I noticed is that I don't want a NOISY environment anymore. I am happy with silence. I am happy with solitude at most times; not having to entertain a gaggle of gregarious young ones. Of course I enjoy the great company of my family, close, intellectual and true friends, and my boyfriend. But noisy groups start to weigh me down. Omigoodness signs of aging! Also, I noticed that when in the car, I like silence to reign, not the blaring sound of the radio, which my boyfriend likes to turn on always once he gets inside the car (omigad I'm turning into a hermit).

I also find myself getting tired faster and my will to exercise has gone from a score of 10 down to 3. Man, I reeeaaaally find it hard to exercise nowadays. My will is just not there! My butt's so difficult to drag and go jogging! I'd rather lie in bed and read a good book (such an oldie omigoodness!) During field works, when there is this interesting outcrop to be investigated and it's far, or we need to go to the scarp of the landslide, I feel like telling the team that they can go ahead and I'll just guard their things at the jump-off point, freeing myself of the tiresome journey upslope. Ugh. Signs of aging talaga!!!

In college, I was VEEERY adventurous. Almost every month I would scale up mountains with a steep slope angle, lugging a ginormous and lead-heavy backpack. That description for me is the perfect climb. The more difficult, the better. But now, HELL NO. I'd still climb but I'll just traverse it in one day, no need to lug a heavy backpack, camp in the dark, eat crappy food, sleep in a damp and smelly tent situated on top of an inclined surface with gravel and cobbles underneath. Or I could hire a porter to carry my things. It's a win-win situation, he receives money, I get to enjoy the climb more because I get liberated from my heavy bag. Plus I have security with me. Aaaargh. I can't believe I'm ranting about this. Signs of aging!!!

There are still PUH-LENTY of changes but I'm quite tired staring into the computer screen. My eyes are getting tired and my butt is starting to hurt from sitting down. Time to go to bed. I'll just have a part 2 of this post. Grabe, signs of aging talaga!!! 

Good night!

I'm so tired of asking WHY...

But my mind and heart never ceases to ask it. It's automatic. It's there. It's innate. I cannot remove it. Sometimes I would just like to let my mind go blank. But I can't. I can't close my mind to things/situations happening around me. Close my eyes yes. But I can still hear. Cover my ears. Yes, but I can still smell. Plug my nose. But I can still speak. Shut my mouth. Take away all my senses. Make me numb even. But my brain will not refuse to function. It will not refuse to think; to question; to wonder; to wander. It will not stop working. Unless. I. Am. Dead.