Every now and then I would get overwhelming feelings of gratefulness during quiet times or when I'm doing routine activity such as walking (or washing the dishes).
I had my flu shot today. I walked to and from school, and while walking going back to my apartment, I felt a feeling of overwhelming gratitude of where I am, how I was able to get where I am right now, and thinking that I've been given such a beautiful blessing and I should be maximizing every moment that I have. Maximizing/optimizing moments mean I should not be taking things for granted, and that I should be doing the best that I can in everything that I do. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Appreciate both the good times and the challenging times. The latter I tend to embrace more as these moments are seeds of growth. I always tell myself that if I'm not being challenged, then I am not growing. The more challenges I encounter, the better I can become. Moreover, I know that overcoming challenges mean traversing a learning curve that can be either steep or gently sloping. Regardless, this just means that it takes time, effort, and mental and physical fortitude (one of my most favourite values, in addition to perseverance) to conquer challenges and eventually find the task/activity easy to do.
I remember when I started my PhD in 2021, I knew NOTHING about R and SAS and the whole epidemiology thing. I remember my subject on intro to epidemiology and also my SAS class, everything was a fucking struggle. I remember despairing over my intro to epi because I had a difficult time identifying the different study designs. I had ZERO knowledge of these things and learning them for the first time was onerous for me. To add to the burden, my mental health was suffering. Sleep was elusive and I found myself spiraling down into depression. Thankfully, I was able to recover and I think this episode might just be the result of culture shock. Adjusting in a foreign place takes about a year for me to be really really stable and confident.
Fast forward, look at me now. Third year PhD, doing advanced epi. Give me a dataset and I'll wrangle it in SAS and R. I'm now more confident about my statistical and epidemiological knowledge and skills. And it took two years (I started August 2021) to get where I am now. Putting in all that hard work was fucking worth it. Super worth it. Things may continue to be harder, but I know I'll also get better in time.
All this I was able to do because of God, my husband, and my family. 💗 I will always and forever be grateful, no matter where I am and what I am experiencing in life. 💖
Until then,
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