30 June 2023

Kamote nights while coding

So I have this second homework in my generalised linear modeling class wherein we are to download a dataset, clean it, and run some models with it. The dataset that was required to analyse is the Fatality Analysis Reporting System (FARS)/Crash Report Sampling System (CRSS) by the United States Department of Transportation.

Juskoh. Pag import pa lang ng dataset at pagmerge nangangamote na ako. Tingnan mo naman ito:


Actually, the dataset I was importing and merging a while back was waaaay more than this. This is already reduced.

 Naaaliw lang ako sa ginagawa ko. Hindi ko inakala na maggaganito ako na coding sa tanan ng buhay ko, hello. Ang cool lang kasi nagsimula ako rito sa PhD ko na walang kaalam-alam dito sa R na ito. Ngayon, bigyan mo ako ng dataset, kaya ko nang i-wrangle yung data sa RStudio. Ako lang sa kasalukuyan gumagamit ng R, mga classmates ko gamit nila SAS. So when I go analyse the datasets, I'm all alone wrangling my data in RStudio. Yung iba pwede sila mag-share ng code. Nakakaaliw lang shette, kinakaya ko ito. Buti na lang din nandyan na si chatGPT, yahoo! Galing ng mga payo para sa coding. 

Anyway, it's already 1:40AM and here I am still having a go at this assignment. I'd better go sleep as I have a meeting tomorrow with my adviser and I haven't done anything yet for my project!!!

24 June 2023

My first time to write a grant application in the US

Not sure though if this is a "grant" application, but I did write a career development plan and a research plan to submit for a scholarship award. The University of Wisconsin-Madison has this Health Equity Scholarship Program (HESP) they award to PhD students, Post-docs, and Junior Faculty to undertake research in the field of Alzheimer's Disease and Related Dementia (ADRD) research. The requirements are simple and straightforward. In addition to the documents I mentioned above (2 pages and 3 pages, respectively), I also submitted my NIH-format biosketch and transcript of records (for PhD student applicants). But what was written in these documents were anything but simple. 

To write just NINE pages total took me a little over a month to accomplish. I was devoting time, at least two hours per day, every day, for 37 days to finish these documents. I first started with the NIH Biosketch as I don't need to wrack my brain with any scientific research idea. But I did recall my past work experiences in the last 17 years and put my distilled learnings in words. It wasn't easy as I needed to make every sentence fit together to form a good picture of what I achieved. In short, bawal ang tapon na sentence. Each sentence must be able to contribute something to let the reader realise the breadth and depth of my knowledge and wisdom to execute ADRD research. Below is a snippet of what I wrote in my biosketch:




Once I was finished with the biosketch, which took me a week to write, including the back and forth with my adviser, I started writing my career development plan. This document was where I took the most time crafting. I didn't know what to write at all. My academic and research background had nothing to do with ADRD research at all. It is only now, at 37, at PhD school in HSC, that I decided to pivot from DRRM studies to ADRD. So you can just imagine how excruciating it was for me to conjure thoughts and ideas of how to develop my career on ADRD research when I do not have an iota of knowledge and experience on ADRD research. I kept on asking help and guidance from my adviser and thankfully and gratefully, he patiently advised, encouraged, and guided me in my thought process. If it weren't for my adviser, I wouldn't have probably finished this application package. For me to have written this plan, it took a lot of reading, searching, and analysing volumes of information to craft something that makes sense, and something that fits in the bigger picture. Below is a snippet of what I wrote in my career development plan:


Again, this two-page document took me the longest to write. After two weeks of writing and editing with my adviser, I proceeded to write my research plan. Surprisingly, I did not find it that difficult to write, probably because it was straightforwardly technical. There was no need for too much framing of the research topic. I just needed to explain the current gaps in ADRD research, what my specific aims are for my project, its significance, the innovative aspect of my study, and the approach (methodology) I'll use to answer my research questions. It's just like writing a scientific paper or a lab report. Also, prior to doing the research plan, I was able to discuss with my adviser the specific aims I wanted to incorporate in my research, ironing out the research questions early on. I wouldn't say it was a breeze to write it, but I think I just wrote the whole three-page document in three or four days. Below is a snippet of my research plan:



Additionally, a letter of support from my mentor was needed for the application. I am thankful that my adviser didn't tell me to draft the recommendation letter and he'll just sign it off. This just goes to show how dedicated and hard-working my adviser is. Here's a snippet of the support letter:

Overall, it was a nerve-wracking yet exhilarating experience for me to write such proposal. It gave me a glimpse of how life would be like as an academic in the US: perpetually writing grant proposals for funding. Why? Because if you're on a tenure-track faculty position, a large percentage of your salary needs to come from a funded research project. The university can only guarantee you, say 30%, of your annual salary, then the remaining 70% will come from the NIH-funded project you're working on. So you need to write a lot of grant proposals to ensure you'll have a higher chance of getting funded, so you can ascertain your annual salary is paid 100%. It's actually a very crazy idea. I guess that's how the US guarantees to be always on the frontier of scientific research, pushing the boundaries of scientific knowledge.

I am hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Good news about this HESP thing is that even if the applicants don't win the prize money, we get to participate in the didactic training the HESP team will conduct. So submitting the application documents alone is already a win. Plus, at least I was able to plot, more or less, the direction of my PhD dissertation. 

This whole process was difficult, yes. But rewarding at the same time. If you're not feeling discomfort, then you are not growing. 

Cheers to more discomfort (yikes!!!) and growth (yay!!!)! 



10 June 2023

Today's thoughts

So it's two days before I submit my NIH biosketch and career development plan for the HESP award. I'm glad I was able to do the biosketch ahead of time, and I've already submitted the first draft of my CDP. I'm now in the process of revising these documents based on the feedback my amazing adviser (ZZ) gave me. Perhaps after a bit of back and forth with him, I'll be able to iron out my biosketch and CDP.

AND THEN we proceed on doing the research plan, ugh! I have nine days to do it starting Monday. I hope that'll be enough time for me to craft a solid RP. I plan to dovetail it with my dissertation plans as well. Good news though, it seems I'm doing almost all secondary analysis, which is great! But the downside is I don't get training in conducting primary data gathering and analysis. Though I'm sure there will be more opportunities down the line for this. I think I've already come a bit far from my previous feeling of uncertainty and being at a loss. I'm really glad God rescued me from my previous adviser. There are so MANY NEGATIVE things I can say about him, but I'll just be wasting my precious energy if I talk ill about him. Anyway, this is not the point of this blog entry.

The point is, from hereon I need to stay focused and disciplined in triaging my priorities. There's a lot to juggle here: coursework assignments and projects, HESP application, research projects, household chores, personal/ rest time, and relationships (i.e., talking with Mico). I just need to set up a schedule that can accommodate everything and not be burned out. After all, summer classes is just eight weeks!! We'll be entering the second week by Monday. Oh wow, how fast time flies. 

Let's do this!

08 June 2023

Today's thoughts

Hmm, there's not much to say really, other than my summer classes have started. One week down, seven more weeks to go. That's going to be very fast. I have assignments piled high. Plus I have to write my career development plan and research plan for the HESP award. PhD school is not so much being highly intelligent, but being HIGHLY ORGANIZED and DISCIPLINED. You should know how to triage your priorities (i.e. assignments, research work, personal time, household chores). There's little room to be scatter-brained and unfocused. It's like every day is a competition with yourself; you mustn't let yourself get the better of you. Staying focused, disciplined, and consistent are key attributes to push forward with your PhD journey. 

No wonder they say that PhDs (or PhD students) are high-functioning achievers. Not because we're intelligent, but because we're constantly bombarded with a barrage of tasks and research work. You are expected to ALWAYS churn out high-quality, often times novel research work. Anything less makes you a wishy-washy scientist. It's difficult, it's arduous, it's energy-draining, it's exhausting. 

But then you'll think again of the reason why you decided to pursue the PhD path: for the love of science and using science to make the world a better place. To serve the people using science. I guess I just need to always repeat this to myself.