Bill Gates's article on the rise of artificial intelligence (AI)

I came across this article in LinkedIn. It's written by Bill Gates and as usual, his writing is fluid and and simple, like as if he's talking to me. I like his writing style in his book, How to Avoid a Climate Disaster. Straightforward, uses simple language, and does not try to sound sophisticated nor convoluted. He just explains things as is, drawing from the breadth and depth of his knowledge and wisdom which he acquired over the years and from his extensive reading.

The article talks about how artificial intelligence (AI) has begun and we are going to be pretty much in the thick of it all soon. As a scientist in-training, I am excited what AI can do, particularly in disaster risk research. There's a professor at University College London who's doing a lot of research in AI, disaster, and agriculture. For sure there are others, but it just so happened I came across this faculty's profile. His main research question is, "Can AI reduce the risk?". It's straightforward, simple yet thought-provoking. It makes the researcher think what AI stuff can we do to reduce the risk? The answer is that there's SO MANY WAYS how with AI!!! Having seen this guy's profile makes me want to go into research about AI and disaster risk. The problem though is, I know nothing about AI. I am not an IT nor a maths person. Using it for my research will be an uphill climb over a long duration. But hey, I guess that's why I'm doing my Ph.D., right? 

I need to make sure that what I'm going to pursue for my Ph.D. is the one I'm going to do for the rest of my life. It doesn't mean though that I should already know a lot prior to undertaking my doctorate. But I should at least like the topic I'm pursuing. Now, whoever advised to me that I can do course correction during my post-doc research, we both know that's not going to happen. And we both know that's bullshit. I'm not that young and naïve anymore to believe that. Perhaps if I were in my early- to mid-20s, I probably would and I would just be believing everything you say. But girl, I'm fucking 37, pretty sure  you're less than a decade older than me. So don't give me any bullshit saying I just do course correction during my post-doc.

Anyway, I just hope things pan out well. Praying to the Lord that His Will be done. 

Today's thoughts: sleep issues and procrastination

My sleeping habits have been whacked ever since I was little. Sadly, I still carry this with me until now. It's debilitating. Studies show that sleep likes consistency. You train your body to sleep and wake up at a time you would like it to. Seems easy. I tried it and it works, but I just cannot keep myself consistent with sleeping and waking at the same hour every single day. 

I remember when I was in Australia doing my master's, I had the experience of sleeping at five, 6AM, and then waking up after lunch. Here in the US while doing my PhD, it's the same shit. However, here I medicated for my sleep. But then I do not like the effects of sleep aids/prescription medicine on me. Some drugs are inconsistent with their time releases and half-life. It doesn't kick in at the same time all the time, and some leave me feeling groggy the next day.

Lately I've been assessing my habits prior to sleeping. I noticed there are a number of things I must  do before I allow myself to sleep. Flossing, brushing teeth, skincare (i.e. cleansing, gua sha, tretinoin), and trying to tick off the tasks in my to-do list. If These things don't get done, I can't sleep. Now the problem arises if there's a big task I need to do, like an assignment that takes me so long to finish. It's difficult for me to let go of it. I feel the need to finish it before I can sleep, even if the deadline is days away. Is procrastination associated with acute/chronic insomnia??? And because I'm a public health student, I looked up a paper that discusses this. And apparently someone is also curious about this. Here's the abstract of the paper:

Procrastination is a widespread habit that has been understudied in the realm of health behaviors, especially sleep. This study aimed to examine the cross-sectional relationships between procrastination and multiple dimensions of sleep in a large national sample of US adolescents and young adults. A random sample of 8742 students from 11 US universities provided self-reports of procrastination (measured by the General Procrastination Scale-Short Form with scores ranging from 1 to 5) and sleep behaviors including social jetlag (the absolute difference between mid-sleep times on weeknights and weekend nights), sleep duration (mean weekly, weeknight, and weekend night), insomnia symptoms (trouble falling/staying asleep), daytime sleepiness, and sleep medication use. Multiple linear regression and Poisson regression models adjusted for socio-demographic and academic characteristics as well as response propensity weights. Higher levels of procrastination were significantly associated with greater social jetlag (β = 3.34 min per unit increase in the procrastination score; 95% CI [1.86, 4.81]), shorter mean weekly sleep duration (β = −4.44 min; 95% CI [-6.36, −2.52]), and shorter weeknight sleep duration (β = −6.10 min; 95% CI [-8.37, −3.84]), but not weekend night sleep duration. Moreover, procrastination was associated with insomnia symptoms (Relative Risk (RR) = 1.27; 95% CI [1.19, 1.37]) and daytime sleepiness (RR = 1.32; 95% CI [1.27, 1.38]), but not sleep medication use. The results were robust to adjustment for anxiety and depressive symptoms. Procrastination was associated with greater social jetlag, shorter sleep duration, and worse sleep quality. If causal, the results suggest that interventions to prevent and manage procrastination might help students to improve their sleep health.

Citation: Li X, Buxton OM, Kim Y, Haneuse S, Kawachi I. Do procrastinators get worse sleep? Cross-sectional study of US adolescents and young adults. SSM Popul Health. 2019 Nov 16;10:100518. doi: 10.1016/j.ssmph.2019.100518. PMID: 31799365; PMCID: PMC6881694.

Bottom line is, YES, PROCRASTINATION IS ASSOCIATED WITH SYMPTOMS OF INSOMNIA. If you procrastinate, you are most likely to have shorter sleep duration and worse sleep quality. On a side note, I actually understood the paper and all its biostatistical and epidemiological jargon. Oh wow okay so I really learned biostatistics and public health here in the US. :)

I don't know what social jetlag is but it was mentioned in the study. So I searched for this again in Google (I could've just used chatGPT but I like parsing info on Google) and came across a paper that reviews social jetlag and human health risks. Here's the abstract:

The term social jetlag is used to describe the discrepancy between biological time, determined by our internal body clock, and social times, mainly dictated by social obligations such as school or work. In industrialized countries, two-thirds of the studying/working population experiences social jetlag, often for several years. Described for the first time in 2006, a considerable effort has been put into understanding the effects of social jetlag on human physiopathology, yet our understanding of this phenomenon is still very limited. Due to its high prevalence, social jetlag is becoming a primary concern for public health. This review summarizes current knowledge regarding social jetlag, social jetlag associated behavior (e.g., unhealthy eating patterns) and related risks for human health.

Citation: Caliandro R, Streng AA, van Kerkhof LWM, van der Horst GTJ, Chaves I. Social Jetlag and Related Risks for Human Health: A Timely Review. Nutrients. 2021 Dec 18;13(12):4543. doi: 10.3390/nu13124543. PMID: 34960096; PMCID: PMC8707256.

So apparently this concept of social jetlag (SJL) was only described in 2006, the year I graduated college. There's a section in the paper that discusses the adverse health effects of social jetlag, and one of them is impaired sleep and cognitive performance. A few excerpts from this section of the paper:

SJL are also characterized by short sleep duration and low sleep quality

SJL seems to be correlated with a lower quality of sleep 

people who experience SJL are often sleep-deprived 

From this quick search and skim, studies show that procrastination is associated with insomnia symptoms, low sleep quality, and shorter sleep time. These three things are also associated with social jetlag. Procrastination and social jetlag. These are two things I should look out for. 

Next thing to discuss is how do I short circuit these two concepts. Hmmm.

Today's thoughts: So much on my plate right now

Yes, there's just so much on my plate right now. I have a poster and video presentation deadline on Tuesday, 21 March. At the same time, my BIOS midterm exam is also on Tuesday. Right now it's 0201H of 20 March. I have a little less than 22hrs to do this poster. I sleep for eight hours, that leaves me 14hrs. Four hours doing shit like my skincare routine, watering plants, eating, doing other stuff. Okay so at least I know I have 10hrs to do this. Fuck. Let's subtract two more hours because: distracted. I must finish this fucking poster and video TODAY. Otherwise, I won't have enough time for my BIOS midterms. FUCK. 

Ten minutes have lapsed and I'm still not feeling sleepy. I'm thinking if I can even sleep with such daunting tasks in my mind. At first I thought I'm not affected by things I need to do. I thought I can pretty much isolate my mind and just think of happy thoughts while trying to fall asleep. Alas, no. Apparently my workload and assignments keep me anxious at night and cause me to have restless sleep. Ganun pala yun. I really thought I can eschew such things out of my mind before sleeping. 

Okay, let's make a game plan. 

Monday priority: ALL ABOUT RAD. Finish poster. Then record video. Send poster to collaborators. Explain feedback is important but don't sweat if they can't give it within the day. Start day at 10AM. Work ass until 

Monday other priority:  prepare for EPID

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Tuesday priority: BIOS MIDTERM. Submit as early as possible. 

Tuesday other priority: polish RAD. 

Okay, this is the plan. This is the plan. Set aside other tasks/priorities for the meantime. Just get over Monday and Tuesday, and worry about PHED results and discussion for the rest of the week.

Okay, we can do  this. Fuck. Okay. Let's do this.

Today's thoughts: Days when I get bouts of Imposter Syndrome

I'm not really looking forward to writing this entry, but to be compliant to my 2023 goals, I guess I have to. I've already reneged in my goal of bi-weekly blog posting. But I guess I just need to force myself even if I don't want to. It can help build discipline and consistency.

So anyway.

These past days I've been feeling insecure about my competence and capability. I feel like I'm not good enough for this undertaking. I feel so half-baked. I feel like I'm a fraud. Am I really good at this? I may be able to do stuff but can I finish on time? I feel so... fake... a phony... I sometimes think if I actually belong here in this space... 

Let me cite some instances. I think I've already written this in my previous post. Doing an assignment. It takes me twice or three times longer than my other classmates to finish assignments and projects. Expressing thoughts and ideas in class. I sometimes think if there's something wrong with my English? I know my vocabulary is pretty good, and I can be precise with my words. But when I'm expressing ideas and explaining things, say in journal club or in my discovery-based paper class, I feel like the way I construct sentences, it gets muddled because my thoughts are faster than what my mouth can utter. It happens when I speak in Tagalog too (yes, Tagalog, not Filipino) but then the nuances in my Tagalog can be filled in by the listeners' thoughts, like they understand me. But when speaking in English, I feel like there are a lot of ideas and nuances lost and I sometimes feel that I just fall flat and nonsensical.

Other instances include doing this paper on Alzheimer's Disease, cognitive function, and discrimination. What the hell do I know about these things? I'm learning as I pore over literature but I feel like it's never enough. I feel like I'm losing focus of what I need to do. I go down into rabbit holes of other stuff related to the topic, but it's not necessarily what I need for my paper. It's tiring, frustrating, and disappointing. It completely zaps my confidence and I'm left to worry and think whether I'm good at this or not. It makes me want to cry sometimes, especially when I'm seeing other people finish things so easily, like they just breeze on by, while I STRUGGLE GREATLY just to produce something. Though people say that what I produce is not mediocre, but still, it doesn't let me vanquish feelings of incompetence, dumbness, and idiocy. 

My feelings of being an imposter have been heightened the past days, probably because I keep comparing myself to a colleague who is more than a decade younger than me. I feel like this colleague has got everything down pat, and here I am struggling so much. I feel awful about myself. I'm very happy for my colleague, but feel so disheartened for myself. I know I shouldn't be comparing, but I can't help it. It really makes me doubt my capabilities and question my competence. This environment that I'm in (being in a foreign land speaking a foreign language), I feel like I need to work twice as hard but only to be half as good as my American colleagues. Is this some language disadvantage? An educational system disadvantage? A socio-ecological disadvantage? Is being raised and educated in the Philippines in a middle-class family differ greatly from being raised and educated in a middle-class family in America?

In a way I think there are some superiorities of being raised in a middle-class family in Manila. We have house help. We have chauffeurs. We live in a good community where people interact. We have semi-strict religion practices that help keep us in check within morality and societal norms. And yet, here I am, so unsure and insecure. 

Anyway, I've found this link to an article of the APA. This pretty much sums up what I'm feeling and experiencing. A few snippets that I found interesting:

"...impostor phenomenon occurs among high achievers who are unable to internalize and accept their success. They often attribute their accomplishments to luck rather than to ability, and fear that others will eventually unmask them as a fraud."

I'm even having difficulty accepting I'm a high achiever, despite what other people say that I am.

"As an African-American student, Hives says, "I was taught I would need to ‘work twice as hard to be half as good.' While this instills a goal-oriented approach within me, it also keeps me feeling as though my efforts will never be enough."

This part!!! WORK TWICE AS HARD TO BE HALF AS GOOD! I always always always feel this. Studying abroad does this to me, particularly here in America.

"As the youngest student in her program, Mary Guerrant, a second-year doctoral student of community psychology at North Carolina State University, dealt with strong impostor feelings during her first year of study."

In my case, I'm the oldest in my PhD cohort. And this really puts so much pressure for me to perform better and know more than my younger colleagues. I know it shouldn't be the case because each is different, and we have our own strengths and weaknesses. But I can't help but think about this.

"The impostor phenomenon seems to be more common among people who are embarking on a new endeavor, says Imes. In other words, graduate students may be particularly susceptible."

Glad to know I'm not alone though...

"The impostor phenomenon and perfectionism often go hand in hand. So-called impostors think every task they tackle has to be done perfectly, and they rarely ask for help. That perfectionism can lead to two typical responses, according to Clance. An impostor may procrastinate, putting off an assignment out of fear that he or she won't be able to complete it to the necessary high standards. Or, he or she may overprepare, spending much more time on a task than is necessary."

This paragraph describes me to T. Procrastinate or overprepare. THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW. And the problem is, I cannot stop!!! I cannot block this out! I'm stuck!!!

Anyway, I think I need  to stop writing now. It's 3AM and I still have to be early in school tomorrow for a clinical experiment. Perhaps I'll make myself fall asleep while reading Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection. It says it helps with overcoming the imposter phenomenon. Let's see.

until then,