I saw this quote of Sylvia Plath in Instagram Reels while I was busy procrastinating. It got me thinking if, in a way, I resonate with Sylvia's fear. Well, I think I am yet to achieve the 'well-educated' part when I obtain my PhD degree. The brilliantly promising, I will be that when I get to publish numerous novel papers. However, I am close to the point where 'middle age' is starting to become a realty.
The average life expectancy of a person in the US is 76 years old, while Filipinos' is approximately 73 years old. Let's round that off to 80 years of age. I only have THREE YEARS left before reaching 'middle age' of 40. Am I fading into an indifferent near-middle age woman?
We have to define what indifferent here means. Here's what my quick Google search showed:
I don't know what Sylvia's definition was, but for me, indifferent takes on the definition, "neither good nor bad; mediocre". If there are words in the English language that I am not fond of, mediocre is one. Mediocre doesn't sit well with my attitude. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. So if you are going to do something, better to give it your all than just being half-assed about it. SEGUE: This is one trait of Lady Gaga that I really admire. She doesn't do half-assed works. She gives her 100% into everything: singing, expressing herself through fashion, making bold statements, creating music, performing; Gaga gives it her all. And I want to be like that too, giving everything all I got into what I do. It's going to be hard. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be unbearable. But in all these challenges and the mistakes that come with it, the growth will be tremendous. And this is how I like to learn: by encountering many challenges and by making many mistakes. Because I know that it is here where I will and can learn the most.
Going back to Sylvia's quote, 'fading out into an indifferent middle age', I guess I would also have to fear this part. To become mediocre, lackluster, second-rate... To lose drive and ambition... I don't want to become like that. I don't want to be indifferent. I don't want to live life by succumbing to mediocrity.
Sylvia Plath died at the age of 30. She had ten more years prior to reaching middle age. I am 37 and I've lived seven years more than her, and I don't think I am currently indifferent. I am curious however, once I've obtained my PhD degree and reach the age of 40, will I start to fade into indifference?
We'll know in three years. Right now, this PhD thing is definitely NOT making me indifferent.
Until then,
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