Day 3 of healing.
Today's a busy day so I am looking forward to focus on the task at hand and keeping negative thoughts at bay.
It's good that I am in a meeting and I am enjoying myself; learning a lot; connecting my newly-learned thoughts to my old learnings and making a web out of all the information that I know. It's like I am painting a picture and the colours and images in the painting are all being assembled.
1043H- While my mind drifts from time to time to depressing thoughts, I immediately eschew it by thinking of the present: where I am, why I am here, and what am I doing here. And suddenly all ugly thoughts and assumptions disappear. I just also think of God's beautiful plans for me in my life.
1121H- I feel so sleepy, uuuugh. I already nodded off and thank goodness I caught myself awake before falling face first on the table.
1200H- So I just got an email from ADB considering me as one of the several candidates for a consultancy assignment. OMG. ADB. One of my lifelong dreams. Now I just have to contend with the pros and cons of this while keeping my current job.
1208H- okay it's lunch break. I can write some more, haha. I am happy that I was able to eat heftily this lunch. Usually I would have no appetite but today at least, I ate properly. Big step yun ah. This time around, I should prioritise myself; my happiness; my well-being. All actions and efforts are to be directed to myself. Tonight, I have a meeting for a volunteer work I joined. This should keep my mind busy and my time occupied.
1322H- I decided that there should be no mention anymore of anything negative during my healing process. I still get hurt though. But I should learn to channel positivity every time I get engulfed with bad vibes. I am open to anything that can happen; not closing doors on anything. I just pray to God that He gives me what He thinks is the best for me. I trust in God's plan, always.
1526H- it's recess. About to start the workshop. Grabe antok na antok ako dun sa talk. But it was nice. Takeaway points: there is a glaring discrepancy between allocation and utilisation of DRR budget across the board (NGAs, LGUs). Utilisation is low compared to allocation. Ang laki ng hinihingi pero ang baba ng nagagastos. Bakit? Akala ko naghihirap Pilipinas pero hindi pala! Hirap pa gastusin ang pondong nakalaan para sa mga proyekto.
1710H- We discovered there was something wrong with our group's work. Sooooo we have to redo some of it. But I have to be in Makati by 6:45pm. I need to leave soon.
I can't say that this day has gone smoothly, anxiety sporadically crept up within the day. But I tried to consciously fight it off, which is good. I fought it off with good thoughts and prayers. I should really develop a habit of mindful meditation and praying.
I love you Lord. We can do this.
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