Today, I was absent in class. I was feeling unwell the night prior. Probably because yesterday I walked while raining and the weather was colder than usual. I walked in 2degC weather and it was cloudy and drizzling.
So I stayed at home today. I didn't come out of my room. Most of the time, I'd like to be holed up in my room. All I do is cook, read books, watch Netflix, surf the internet, browse through IG for BTS reels, chat with friends in WhatsApp, play with my rats, do my skincare and haircare routines, clean the kitchen and bathroom, do laundry. Clearly, these are all activities that I do to procrastinate. Notice that there's not one thing related to academic work? Hahaha!
Here's the thing though. Whenever I don't get any work done, I feel so unproductive and guilty. Then I'll feel stressed because work is piling up. And when I feel stressed my fight-or-flight response is to freeze. I fall into this catatonic state and I refuse to do anything, which in turn fuels unproductivity and guilt, which then leads to stress, then I'll freeze, then the loop starts over. Using my rudimentary illustrating skills, here's my loop:
Edz's vicious cycle (let anxious be an addition to stressed)
Somewhere in this cycle, there needs to be an intervention. I must be able to short circuit this vicious cycle so it wouldn't go on a loop. If I flip this vicious cycle and turn it into a virtuous cycle, it would look something like this:
Edz's virtuous cycle
So where should we put the intervention... and what would it be... Hmm... Should I intervene as early as Stage 1 (able or not able to do work)? Or can I intervene any part of the vicious cycle and turn it into the virtuous cycle?
If I intervene in Stage 1, then that really fixes everything; immediate change from vicious to virtuous. I don't think I can do anything to intervene Stage 2. But if I were to intervene in Stage 3, how do I reduce feeling stressed and anxious? Well, when one is stressed and anxious, cortisol, catecholamines, and vasopressin levels increase. Therefore, I need to manage these hormones so I could flip the stress and anxiety, and turn it into inspiration and motivation. Hence, I need to get happy. I need to flood myself with oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin. How do we do this? Here are some that I've been doing for some time now, but I just tend to forget or become inconsistent with it:
1. Exercise. It doesn't necessarily mean that I should only be in the gym to consider myself exercising. I have one dumbbell here in the apartment. I can also use bodyweight to exercise.
2. Mindfulness meditation. I've been doing the guided imagery meditation from Stanford. I just have to continue and be consistent with this one.
3. Stretch. This is tantamount to moving/exercising, but not needing a large area to do movements. So this is one that I can also do in the apartment. Sometimes I go out on the balcony and do some yoga poses. But recently it's been cold. Stretching on the balcony would be a challenge.
4. Dance. Stand up, put on some good music, and just dance. Don't forget to put on the timer, say 20mins.
5. Cook. This is an activity I enjoy, actually. Cook what I want and eat what I want. And while enjoying, at least I get to be productive too. So yeah, cook tteokbokki, or ramyeon, or IndoMie, or jajamyeon, or japchae, or whatever's inside my freezer. I know all of those are happy food items.
So yeah, every time I'm stuck in a rut, feeling unproductive and guilty and stressed, I should go back to this post and read what are the ways I can get my happy hormone levels up. :)
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