Today's Thoughts (1 March 2016)

Journal entry for 1 March 2016

Ang dami kong oras, I think. Sobrang dami na pwede ako mag-compose ng journal entry for today, haha. I think it’s just a matter of turning on my laptop, which is very easy to do compared to my old laptop. So… what happened to me today?

Well, we gave our last follow-up training for the first leg of our field work. We’ve traveled to seven sites namely:

Benguet Province

1. Brgy. Poblacion, Bakun
2. Sitio Labey, Ambuklao, Bokod
3. Brgy. Puguis, La Trinidad
4. Sitio Mamuyod, Ambassador

Mt. Province

1. Brgy. Antadao, Sagada
2. Brgy. Tue, Tadian

La Union Province

1. Brgy. Nagyubuyuban, San Fernando

It was an arduous journey, filled with countless hours of traveling on the road. It was tiring even if we were not the ones driving. I wanted my commuting time to be productive but with the zigzag roads of Benguet and Mt. Province it was almost impossible to do anything when the ride can get dizzying. So what’s left to do was to observe the beautiful and picturesque sceneries that Halsema hi-way offered us. If we had a photography enthusiast with us I’m sure s/he will always request for stopovers to take amazing photos. But I am not sure if a regular DSLR can capture the beauty that the mountains possess. Sobrang ganda eh. Parang ang hirap kuhanan ng picture, hindi makatarungan. One has to see it to marvel at its beauty.

The first time I rode through Halsema hi-way was in 2010 and I even made an entry about it because it was something memorable for me. Until now it still leaves me breathless. I think isa na ito sa magandang napuntahan kong lugar sa Pilipinas. Maraming magandang tanawin sa Pinas pero itong Benguet, at lalo na ang Mt. Province, I find the place “consistent” with its “surprises” and “goodies”. Yung kahit saan ka tumingin ang gaganda ng mga tanawin. Maliban sa tanawin ang babait ng mga tao rito. Lahat ng nakasalimuha ko, honest. Yung walang pag-aalinlangan, yung alam mong tatratuhin ka ng tapat. And dito, walang feeling na they’re just volunteering for the sake of money. Hindi eh. Alam mo kapag inako nila ang isang trabaho, gagawin nila yun dahil gusto nila, naniniwala sila sa layunin na inihain mo sa kanila at hindi dahil magbibigay ka ng pera (operational allowance) sa kanila.

I remember one time nung nag-seminar kami sa Sagada. Itong storyang ito paulit-ulit kong ikinukwento kasi hindi ko talaga malimutan. Bahagi ng seminar ang pagkakaroon ng botohan para sa mga opisyal ng local landslide monitoring committee officers (LLMC). Usually kami ang nagfafacilitate ng botohoan and the usual routine of nominating and voting commences. However, dito sa Sagada, iba yung nangyari. May BIGLANG dumating na elderly woman tapos umepal talaga siya (in a respectable manner) sa amin and she suggested that instead of votation, mag-usap usap na lang daw sila among themselves at sila na bahala mag-elect ng officers. Pagkatapos nung usapan na iyon, nagkaroon na ng set of officers at iyong officers na iyon ay hanggang ngayon, patuloy na nagagampanan ang kanilang tungkulin bilang LLMC officers. Ang galing! Pagkatapos nun si elderly woman ay nag-disappear na. Kumbaga dumating lang siya doon to facilitate the appointment of officers then she left na. Namangha ako kasi mayroon talagang POWER ang mga elders ng Mt. Province and people give them the respect they have earned throughout the years. Parang Council of Elders ang peg, ang astig lang!!!! :D

Kaya simula nun, lagi na namin hinahayaan mag-usap ang mga participants ng seminar at sila na mismo ang pumili ng kanilang officers instead na kami pa ang magfafacilitate ng voting. Ang galing lang talaga ng   a-ha moment na iyon sa Sagada.

Today's Thoughts (12 February 2016)

Today is the first day for our follow-up in Sitio Labey, Ambuklao, Bokod, Benguet. The weather is, as always, cool throughout the day. However, in the afternoon at 12NN, the sun’s heat energy becomes overpowering that it can get hot inside a building without roof insulation. But this lasts only about two  hours. At around 5PM it will become drastically cooler. A visitor in this area will know that the farmers have accomplished most of their farming duties; the children have gone home from school; housewives start preparing dinner for their families. It is because the minimal noises coming from the highlands begin to sound even fainter. Silence and calmness envelop the area. A cool breeze sweeps over the mountains. 

At this point, a myriad of emotions start to flood my brain: nostalgia, peace, contentment, empathy. After feeling these, my brain would start dissecting why do I feel these, what are the other emotions related to these feelings, and eventually I start to think deeper about myself; I start to reflect; I start to evaluate myself. And most of the time, the end emotion that I fall into is sadness that is quickly replaced with gratitude. 

Despite my failures and achieving below what I expect for myself, my brain still justifies what I’ve done in my life. Perhaps that’s why I still feel grateful. I’ve read an article that our brains are rationalising machines. We rationalise many things so that we can accept situations even if we consciously know it is against societal norms, against morality, against our health, against everything. It’s amazing how brains work; I’m so fascinated by it. The  human brain is, perhaps, the most POWERFUL computing machine ever! And I’m not just talking about conscious computing, like being amazing in Algebra, Calculus, Statistics, solving Differential Equations or deriving Integrals (yuck!). What if we create a code for every bodily function, can you imagine that? WOW! Just think of the complex algorithms needed for EVERY reaction that happens in our body!  And the brain is the  central processing unit of all that! It blows my mind every time! 

Today's Thoughts (29 February 2016)

I’m sad. Nag-away kami ni Martin eh. Dahil doon hindi tuloy kami nag-uusap. Nakakamiss. Ganun talaga ‘no, kapag mahal na mahal mo yung isang tao, pagkatapos ng isang matinding away, parang magi-guilty agad feeling mo. Tapos parang gusto mong yakapin at hagkan ang mahal mo tapos pag-usapan niyo ng matino yung nangyari at gumawa ng resolution para roon.

Marami na kami naging away ni Martin, as in. Most are petty fights but it always transitions to big fights. There are so many I’ve lost count. Madalas kami mag-away noon nung bago pa lang kami. I think four times a week kami nag-aaway in the first two to three years of our relationship. Grabe, as in. But when we approached our third/fourth year, we mellowed and seldom fought with each other. As for MAJOR fights, there are a couple na mabibilang sa isang kamay. Yesterday’s argument I think I’ll classify it as a major fight. Grabe. Intense kami mag-away ni Martin, yung tipong nakakapaosan ng boses tsaka ako maraming hand gestures at kadalasan nagdadabog. Intense kung intense. 

But after parting ways after a major argument with Martin makes me feel sad and guilty and a bit remorseful. Sana nahahawakan ko si Martin ngayon. Sana nahuhug ko siya and we’ll just hug each other then everything will be alright. 

Today's Thoughts (25 February 2016)

We are here in Brgy. Tue, Tadian, Mt. Province conducting our follow-up training. This place is nice and serene. The view is amazing and the weather, cool. The water coming out of the tap feels like it came from the freezer. In the morning when the sun comes out and the cool breeze hits my face, ang sarap. Tapos ang tahimik ng paligid, I feel like i am in touch with my inner self.

My inner self is someone who is content with what she has, someone who is not ambitious. someone who loves her family very much, someone who is reflective and empathetic, someone who is simple and detached from the outside world. Yung kuntento sa kung anong meron ako. Kung hindi lang mahirap mabuhay, ang saya sana. Walang away-away. Walang greediness. Walang pretensions. Walang drama. Simple lang. We all live in Utopia. Minsan ang sarap lang maging mangmang. Yung wala kang kailangang isipin sa labas. Yung simpleng pamumuhay lang. You plant and grow what you eat. You have your own family, raise your children, they need not go to school. Kumbaga self-sustaining yung family. They need not interact with the outside world. The family is just an isolated entity and they live in harmony. Their family is their own community.

Kaya lang naman nagkaroon ng mga drama at kung anu-anong gulo sa buhay dahli ang daming opinion ng mga tao. And society is cruel. Everyone can be condescending to each other. Everyone has the right to judge others. Sino ang nagbigay nun sa kanila? Yung ganung power to judge others? Minsan masaya maging mag-isa. Hindi kailangang makibagay sa lahat. If you just have five pieces of clothing in your closet, it doesn’t matter. To whom will you dress up for anyway? As long as you’re comfortable with what you’re wearing without looking shabby then that’s good. But no. Society makes us buy a lot of unnecessary items because if you don’t, people will judge you with what you look like. Napaka-shallow. Society can be shallow. And dumb. And stupid. 

However, they say that no man is an island. There are also disadvantages of being alone, isolated. One can feel lonely, ostracised, dejected. That feeling you were abandoned. Also, chances of survival is higher if one lives in a community. But again having a family is like having a small community already.