Today's thoughts: Random thoughts while working

 1. Don't you feel that sometimes, even if the task is elementary, it takes a lot of willpower for you to just do it? It's just like the Activation Energy concept in chemistry, defined as the minimum quantity of energy which the reacting species must possess in order to undergo a specified reaction. The minimum quantity of energy you need to start the task is astronomical, that what seems to be a simple task now becomes complex and difficult to execute. Ugh. 

2. When faced with what seems to be an insurmountable task, albeit it being really simple, JUST DO IT. Just get started. Do it. As what SUGA said, just keep on doing it, keep working, keep moving forward. 

3. Was having an academic discussion with my college barkada. We were talking about humility and empathy, and the lack of it in certain situations. I remember Papa, at a very early age in the lives of my brothers and I, taught us the value of humility. He told us that even if we've already achieved and learned so much, that we should remain humble. Because it's not our credentials that will take us to greater heights, but our humility. I miss Papa.

4. So my college barkada and I are working on a Google Sheet, planning our next international travel. OMG I'm so excited!!!

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For your second death anniversary, Papa

 Dearest Papa, 

It's been two years since you passed away. All that I wanted to say to you have been bottled up for two years now. And the succeeding stories that I will have will just accumulate and I will never ever get the chance again, ever, to tell them to you. And I will never ever hear you again, your voice, your response, your advice. It saddens me greatly every time this comes to mind. Because for 34 years, I've always told you my stories, my thoughts, my achievements and failures. You've listened to them and I heard your responses. I won't ever get to do that again. Masakit. Hanggang ngayon. Tuwing naalala kita, bumabalik isipan ko sa mga panahong nabubuhay ka pa. 

Thinking about you and recalling our memories together is painful for me because the memories that remain are the very good and very happy memories. And it pains me so much that I will never get to experience these again. They will be just... memories. Replaying in my mind. Over and over. 

Nonetheless, I am forever grateful I was able to spend 34 years with you. I would NEVER exchange that for anything else. Thirty-four wonderful and happy years with you as my father. A very supportive, very caring, and very inspiring father. You and Mama will always be my role models. I am so thankful to have you both in my life. Wala nang makakatumbas pa sainyong dalawa. I always tell Mico that I'm so blessed and lucky to have intelligent and loving parents. I can only hope someday, my children will also see me how I see you and Mama. 

I miss you so so much, Papa. The few days leading to your death, I replay in my mind what happened. And I will never forget that LAST phone call I had with you in the morning of 8 July 2020. "Unahin niyo na ako, mamaya na 'yang mga ginagagawa niyo.", you said, in a slurred manner. I'm so so sorry I wasn't there beside you as you took your final breath. Kuya and I arrived at the hospital you were already gone. I took photos of you and held you as if you were still alive. You were emaciated. Your bones were very prominent. You lost all your muscle and fat. I saw your body and thought that if it would be donated, medical students would have a field day studying your skeletal structure as it seemed like a very good specimen. Standing at 5'11", you have long femurs, tibia, and fibula. Your scapula and ribs looked great too. And so do your humerus, ulna, and radius. It's kinda weird I saw it like that, I'm sorry. But as a woman of science, I can't help but think about it. I'm sure you'll understand. You and I both love science. I'm sure you would've agreed too.

I miss you, Pa. I'm entering my PhD sophomore year this coming August. How time flies. I want to share with you all the trials and tribulations I'm experiencing because I know that you give great advice. You've given me so much the past years, and I always replay them in my mind when I encounter difficulties. Thank you for being that kind of parent. You've given us so much nuggets of wisdom that I think there's a nugget I can use for every situation. Though I wish I could've received more because they're really good. 

I miss you, Pa. I wrote you a quick poem below. I hope you appreciate it. I remember you have this book of poems by your bed side table, the great poets like Emily Dickinson, e.e. cummings, John Keats, Ezra Pound, and your personal favourite, Robert Frost. This poem I wrote will never be at par with any of these greats, but I know you'll like. Because it came from your only daughter. :)

An anchor, to me you are

My guiding light in the darkness

Your voice, deep in the jungle I hear

A compass that points the way

You will always be, to me

A constant amid the variables

An outlier amid the limits

You to me are extraordinary

You are my Papa

The first man who loved me

Upon entering this world

And have always loved me

Until the very end 

I love you and I miss you so much, Papa. I'll see you someday. Not too soon, I hope.

Today's thoughts: On reading journal articles

 I decided to put a photo here just for the heck of it, haha!

So what has been happening with me lately...

Well, recently I've been neck-deep with a lot of searching and reading scientific journal articles. I think this is the most number of publications I've read in two weeks. I skimmed abstracts of more than 150 articles and did a deep read of eight articles. In two weeks. 

There's a technique in skimming through journal articles. For me, I read the abstract, then go to the last paragraph of the introduction because that's where the objectives of the study are written (usually). Next I look at the figures and read the captions and check if the objectives can be answered with the figures. Then I skim through the methodology, then jump to the conclusion section. You'll get faster the more you practice this. Also, IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IN A PAPER, then you'll be much faster.

However, doing a deep read is no joke. Especially if these papers are novel ones or papers that I can use as primary sources. I read all sections thoroughly and make annotations. Not only that, doing a deep read requires focus and concentration because you need to understand how the sentences and paragraphs, when put together, form a thought or idea. And in journal articles, because they are written succinctly, ALL sentences seem to be very important. So if you don't understand a sentence, you might lose an important point. But it's a good thing that not all journals are written well because that means you don't have to stress to much in reading and understanding every sentence. 😝 But that can also mean the journal is not of high-quality so it's better to look for another one that's similar but published in a journal with higher impact factor.

Spring/Summer in Fort Worth, TX. 

26 May 2022, Fort Worth Botanic Garden.

I think I'd better stop here. I can feel the effects of Trazodone already. Good night!!