It's been almost (got here 16 July 2021 in the US) year since I left home and lived here in Fort Worth. to pursue my PhD. I've had my fair share of happiness and excitement, depression and loneliness. CULTURE SHOCK IS REAL. In the eighth month of being here, I've never felt more alone, confused, and utterly depressed. It was bad to the point that I needed to take medication for my depression.
But I'm glad I bounced back around April and the feeling is one of elation. I feel more confident now being here and talking with random people, asserting myself, and just feeling that I belong. Of course there's still some level of inferiority, being that I'm Asian in a Caucasian-dominated place. Here's the thing though: is it really Caucasian-dominated?
The more I got to explore my surroundings, the more I talked to people, I found out that MANY are first-generation Americans or are descendants of immigrants (because hey, America is indeed made up of immigrants. Hello, Mayflower.). I did not feel alone anymore. I felt that I belonged, in a way. WE ARE IN THE SAME MELTING POT HERE. THIS IS A BIG MELTING POT.
I figured that the inferiority I felt stemmed from my culture shock; being afraid and anxious living in an unfamiliar place. But as time passed, the unfamiliar became familiar; the unknown became known. I'm happier now and feeling more confident. Still wary but surely overcoming the new obstacles I meet every day.
Thank you Lord for this most generous and wonderful blessing. 💖💖💖
As I awoke this afternoon, I saw my slept-in bed, perfectly lit up by the diffused sunlight streaming in from the balcony window. I felt the urge to take a photo, to capture and preserve the moment. I felt so grateful and thankful and at peace. Then I got inspired and motivated to do academic work and quickly fixed up my bed.
