Today's thoughts

 Today, I feel deflated.

So we had our midterms for EPID 5313, a subject where we do and discuss SAS problem sets. I failed the midterms. I don't feel okay. I feel dispirited. Actually what bothers me more is not that I failed, but that I need to resubmit the exam. Thinking about that gives me great stress. I don't like to undergo that again. It annoys me terribly. 

But I know I SHOULD NOT feel this way... I shouldn't. Failing and making mistakes is something that I embrace because these are opportunities for growth. Redoing the midterms is something that I should appreciate because by going through this, it can help my understanding of SAS.

It's still annoying though. It's extra work on my plate. Sigh. But I should not dwell on this feeling. I should immediately make a 180-degree turn so as not to feel burdened nor stressed by this unfortunate happening.

Today's thoughts

Ano bang gusto kong sabihin sa araw na ito... hmmm...

Well, it's already my sixth week in grad school. How fast time flies.

Also, in 30 days, Mico and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Migad. How fast time flies indeed. 

A lot has happened in one year that we're married. We established two residences. Got to fly and live and study abroad amidst the pandemic. We were able to visit Mico's family and my relatives in the US. He was able to request to work remotely (albeit only four months, but still. We're thankful for that). We are able to experience living here in the US. It's Mico's longest time out of the Philippines, while it's my second (I lived in Oz for 1.5 years. So when I exceed that time, this will be the longest time being out of the country). I also experienced my first-ever "surgery" - a polypectomy - where polyps in my uterus were removed. It was my first time to undergo general anesthesia and it was AMAZING. Hahaha. Amazing kasi dedbols ka talaga. You wouldn't feel anything at all! And when I woke up I felt shitty. I wanted to vomit, I remember shouting in the recovery room, "Natatae ako! Nasusuka ako!" Kadire, I can imagine what the other patients thought of me as I was shouting that. Inisip ko tuloy, lalabas kaya talaga ang ka-crass-an ng isang tao after being generally anesthetized? Kung ganun nga, crass pala ako, hahaha!

Ano pa ba... well, that feeling of living with someone you love and being married to that someone is something else... Ganito pala feeling ng may asawa. Masaya. Liberating. Empowering. Gives one a sense of security. Yung alam mong mag-fail na ang lahat, magunaw na ang lahat, pero mayroong iisang tao na tatayong haligi mo sa gitna ng delubyo. Yung magbibigay ng lakas at katatagan ng loob sa'yo. Yung kaisa-isang taong hindi ka iiwan at pinaniniwalaan ka nang buong puso at pagkatao niya. At iyon ang asawa mo. At iyon ang nararamdaman ko kay Mico, at ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Walang iwanan. Walang pagdududa ni katiting. Napakaganda sa pakiramdam na napangasawa mo yung taong minamahal ka nang buo, at minamahal mo nang buo. Together forever and never to part.