30

UNFINISHED POST.

Wow. I'm 30.

I remember in my early 20s, my friends and I were talking about earning our first million before 30. We didn't make it as a target but we were suggesting challenges among ourselves. I do not know if my friends have achieved that; I know I did not.

But now I'm 30, I would like to think I've gained wisdom and realised that it doesn't matter if you have a million or two. What matters is how you carry yourself, how you deal and interact with others, and how were you able to contribute in the greater scheme of things. Or maybe I'm saying this to justify my lack of funds right now, haha! The brain does love to rationalise itself.

In some ways I've changed. Here is a list of some changes I've noticed:

27, 28, 29:

- Overly gregarious that can misconstrued as rambunctious
- Reactive
- Can be arrogant on first meeting and tries to impress others
- Sleeps late
- Neglects health and fitness (read: YOLO)
- Tries to fit in and please everyone
- Is nice to everybody

Today's thoughts

Today, I feel sad because of my impending departure for Japan. I have spent more than a month already here in Manila but the thought of leaving my family and loved ones once again and pursuing the less traveled road (relative to the road traveled by majority of the world’s population) of studying abroad makes me feel despondent. I can sometimes feel the loneliness of the journey (but I think the road to PhD is lonelier); the feeling of traversing through a darkened path and when you call out to ask for help no one responds. Loss of courage and confidence becomes frequent and I feel despair. This leads to shifts in attitude and behaviour that can jeopardize my study habits, which in turn jeopardizes my performance in assessments and lead to poor grades.