When you lost someone special to you...

Just recently, I am one of those people who would say the quote by Lord Alfred Tennyson:

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Yes, I became part of that statistic. It was sad. It was confusing. I was lost for a while, bewildered, and bothered. But only in MAMA MARY and GOD that I found inner peace. And now I'm happy, just after two days.

But perhaps not now. The relationship would not work out NOW.

Perhaps in the future. In the near future. We'll never know.

If God wants two people to be together, He will bring them together and make them last forever.

I'm happy that we're still friends though. I really am. :)

Yesterday while I was praying, the song Kandila by Sugarfree popped in my mind. And there are lines that expressed what I was feeling:


Kung kailan pa nawalan ng ilaw
Tsaka pa lang naging malinaw
Baka ako ang may kasalanan
Kung bakit tayo ay may tampuhan
'Di na pwedeng pag-usapan

Sorry, 'di kita hinabol
Sorry, tayo'y malabo
Maya-maya lang ay may ilaw na
Pero sana ay malaman mo
Magkailaw man madilim pa rin
Magkailaw man madilim pa rin...

Kung wala ka.

My most exciting achievement so far is...

This has got to be one of my MOST EXCITING achievements so far...

Until now it seems so unfathomable for me. Grabe. It's unfathomable because I never did believe that I can be on TV because of my looks. I am not pretty at all. Pero THIS proved that it doesn't matter if you do not have a pretty face, what matters is what's IN YOUR BRAIN.

I won this contest because of the essay I wrote. I had nothing to offer except perhaps for my courage, guts, experience, strength, agility, and intelligence. Looks? Pffft. That's something I really lack. This is really surreal for me. And frankly, I am quite scared, haha. Scared because I haven't experienced being on video before, except during my 7th and 18th birthday, where I was being filmed because of the occasion and did not pay attention at all to the videographer since I was busy entertaining guests.

I hope I'll be able to do well on this. I hope I'll be able to research well, know what needs to be said, act the right way in front of the camera, and above everything, still remain humble despite being on TV. It may only be a one-episode thing, but still, it's being in front of a camera the whole time!

The best part about this is doing something that you really love while being filmed. Yun yun e. I'm in my milieu. It's my habitat. I'm comfortable in it, therefore, I can be who I am while in front of the camera.

Whoo I'm so excited. Really. I am. Anxious and excited. That's me right now. :)

All about technical writing: Phase 1 of 3- Starting

My office mate, MM, and I were chatting one time during those afternoon bathroom breaks where you decide to brush your teeth and freshen up yourself an hour after finishing lunch break. I think we got to ask each other how are we faring in the present mining project. And I told her I was stuck in one monitoring report and that I'm having difficulty in writing. To my surprise she told me that she, too, had difficulty in doing the same thing, despite of her experienced years in the office writing such reports.

Another incident of writing woes was during the latter period of my URA-1 career at UP Diliman. It just seems that the graduate students of NIGS have difficulty in finishing their thesis. There are a lot of reasons why we're not able to finish actually, but the persistent reason was that of writing. 

And then, a very good friend of mine who's taking her PhD in Potsdam University in Germany, Catherine Abon, sent me a link about The Three Month Thesis (www.3monththesis.com). It was a brainchild of James Hayton, now a PhD, wherein he elucidated about his writing woes as well. And that he was able to devise a plan on how to write a dissertation in just three months without compromising its quality.

From the office to the academe to the researchers around the world, I think one way or another, WRITING can be put under the "Most Difficult Tasks To Do for your Research". Many styles have been enumerated no doubt and I've road-tested these strategies. Yes, they do help! And some are super effective. However, my problem is the follow-up of such schemes. 

Or perhaps, the real question is, DO I KNOW THE PROPER WAY ON HOW TO WRITE A TECHNICAL REPORT/THESIS?

Perhaps I should write at the most conducive spot and time for me?

image from http://arkarthick.com/2012/07/17/start-freelance-writing-career/

Perhaps I should write when I feel it?

image from http://writing.acadnet.ca/

Oh I can write better when I cram. I'll rest first. *And end up sleeping eventually* 

(this is soooo me)

image from http://englishharmony.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/cramming-English-irregular-verbs.jpg

The truth is, 

YOU DON'T NEED ALL THESE REASONS IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE AND HOW TO WRITE IT.

I spend so much time thinking of all these excuses before I write. In a way, I try to escape the real task and think of other tasks to do in lieu of writing, which, in turn, will make me think that I have done something where, in fact, I have done nothing!

Though it was all about lab report writing during my biochemistry days in DLSU-M, I wasn't able to imbibe if fully so that it would become second nature to me. Perhaps because it was report writing with a partner? What I did imbibe however, were the lab skills/techniques, something that involved dexterity. But writing, sigh, such a Herculean task!

Anyway, here are few of my techniques/tips to help me START working on my reports/thesis.These are not new ideas, but perhaps this can help confirm similar claims on how to start writing:

1. Write first your METHODOLOGY. It is more convenient to write something that is highly procedural as this will make start-writing easier and you'll be surprised at how much you've already written. Writing the methodology is simple. All you have to do is to write down how you've done your experiment. It's just as if you're narrating to someone what you did throughout the process. Of course while doing the experiment you should have taken down notes or you have been basing your procedure from someone else's with slight modifications. This will be a cinch if you have done your experiment well.

2. Second, prepare TABLES, GRAPHS, and FIGURES based on your RESULTS. Input all necessary data immediately into the computer, tabulate them, and process them. This will make your results and discussion writing easier as you don't have to go back to your written data. Everything is summarized into a figure.

On a side note, I've been labeling my x-ray diffractograms as long as I can remember while doing my results processing. And when the time came that I got uber busy with other matters that I have forgotten how to compute for the d-spacing of my minerals (yes, that long!), I was very happy to have found my diffractograms with complete d-spacing labels. All because I've decided to process my data IMMEDIATELY.

3. Third, write your RESULTS. Results ONLY. Do not include discussion. Basically you just have to put IN WORDS your tables and figures and graphs for your results. No discussion yet. So, again, it's all about writing mechanically, no explanation required yet.

-----------------------------

I think I have to stop here. Here existed a GAP during my writing phase. When it came to the introduction and discussion part, everything just fell apart. I lost momentum. Yes, I have the done the method, figures, and results. And somewhere along that process, I got lost. 

Slowly, I am trying to gain momentum for my writing to finish the introduction and discussion parts of my thesis. And how do I do it? There is a way. I will start writing about it once I gain it back. I have a feeling it will be SOON. :)

A blow-by-blow account on how I presented at the NIGSCON 2011

Yesterday I was such in a panic as I haven't finished my presentation for this morning's colloquium. But because of God's grace, I was able to finish it, be on time for my talk, and deliver it with confidence and authority.

At first I was very anxious, nervous, and my heart was palpitating like crazy! I wasn't able to rehearse what I would say! As I was browsing my slides, I was going very fast, like all the information I knew just escaped my mind. Then I stopped and thought to myself, "patay! pa'no na 'to???" When Doc Caloy was finishing his talk, I braced myself and thought that this will just be 15 minutes of shame. Let's go Edz!

Okay so I was introduced by Chloe a.k.a. Mark Clutario. Nakakatawa pa kasi sabi niya, "the next presentation will be on... to be presented by Edz Mendoza" Ano ba yan hindi man lang full name ko, haha! So I was introduced and my mind kept racing on how to open my talk. Fortunately, as I grabbed the microphone, everything just started flowing out of my mouth. Tuluy-tuloy! Ibang klase, kahit ako nagugulat as I was elucidating on my study. Sumobra pa nga ako sa 15 minutes! Masyado ata akong nag-enjoy sa kakasalita, ang daldal kasi e, haha!

Almost halfway into my presentation, my adviser, Dr. Sandra Catane, arrived. I saw her from my eye's peripheral and I got disoriented for a second! Alam mo yung feeling pag dumating yung crush mo? Yung kikiligin ka? Eto baliktad, matatakot ka! Hahahaha! Parang yung facial expression ko, "oops, oh no..." Haha! But the show must go on. I calmly expressed all the information that I wanted to convey, maintained eye contact with the audience, doing moderate hand gestures, and reaching out/walking/pacing about in front, a la Steve Jobs when discussing. Hahaha feelingera naman ako. I felt confident all of a sudden. Natuwa ako kasi yung conclusions data ko have made connections with my conclusions! And accurate naman sila and precise! So yun, nakakatuwa. I also received good questions after my talk. Same questions that we were asking ourselves din about my thesis. All in all it was good! And to think I did this only the day BEFORE the presentation.

This paper of mine has traveled extensively, one in Asia and two in Europe. Sayang walang US. And I think three sa Pilipinas. Before, the data I had was scarce so it was easy to draw conclusions about it. But now, my data is so robust, that a lot of it has to be weaved carefully to make a coherent conclusion. Ibang klase. Ang dami mong kailangang pagsama-samahin, habi-habiin. Kaya mega nataranta ako nung Nov. 9! Fortunately, it came out successfully. And I owe it all to God. :) Maraming salamat, Lord. :)

Nakakatuwa pa after the talk, JD Dianala, who felt and saw my worried soul before presenting told me my presentation was good! It's as if I wasn't panicking at all! :) That made me happy. What made me happier, Ma'am Sandra commented, "pwede ka na nga magdefend ng thesis mo e." My soul swelled into a bright light. I felt inspired to write my thesis after this. But to Lemony Snicket's joy, my inspiration left as quick as it came. Sigh.

I'll be doing a penalty course this AY 2012-2013 for exceeding five years in my graduate studies. Huhuhu. So much for that inspiration. Should I present again for me to be inspired? Hmm...

Original music CDs on sale + Drylite towel

I happen to come across a music CD sale at Odyssey Alabang one weekend and I browsed through their selection. There were a number of good CDs, the most expensive was at P200! So you can just imagine some discs were cheap as P99 and P150. I saw a two hundred pesos Mariah Carey Greatest Hits CD. I decided to buy it perhaps on a later time within the day as I thought of conserving my money until I can buy what I NEEDED to buy that day. I also saw some Joshua Bell, Lenka, Usher, Broadway Musical compilations (my friend Bettina would love that) and other music CDs.

And so I went around Alabang Town Center, met up with Martin and we ate at this modern/pop/hip Japanese resto, I have forgotten the name, which we found no so good to eat in. After which we went around again, I bought a towel at the The North Face store, a highly usable towel for someone like me who's  always on the go. It's light. It's absorbent. It dries quickly. And when it folds inside your luggage, it's so small it can fit into a small pouch. A really must-have for a travelling junkie. It's the Sea-to-Summit Drylite microfiber towel. You can get it in various sizes, I got myself the large (P1,190) because I want it to cover my body but truthfully, the medium is enough as it can already dry your hair and body well.

Anyway going back to the CD, when I came back to Odyssey to finally buy the MC Greatest Hits CD, it was already sold! Nyek! I shouldn't have let it go the first time I saw it, it was only one copy. Unfortunately, fate wouldn't let me have it. Instead, I bought the Joshua Bell: At Home with Friends and Herbie Hancock: The Imagine Project discs, both at P99. I didn't consider the MC disc a loss until I heard the Bell and Hancock CDs. It was amazing. It's not your typical mainstream music, that's why I like it. It was a good mix of classical and jazz music, the latter being my most favorite music genre of all. Feels so good listening to it. I'm so happy I was able to acquire it for a song. :)

on malingering and evading thesis work

Sigh.

Again.

Sigh.

Lately, I have an enormous amount of time in my hands. I should be doing thesis writing, right? Well, apparently not. My inspiration fizzled out as quickly as it came. Why??? It's focus. I lack F-O-C-U-S. And why do I lack foucs? That, I don't know. I get distracted easily perhaps? I work better in a team maybe? Perhaps it's the latter. I notice that when I'm in a group, I tend to be swayed in it, wherever the direction of the group is taking, I will go there too. But when I'm on my own, it seems that I am always lost, don't know where to go, can't seem to go straight in a path, always curious of the surroundings and stopping to check them out. Why? Is focusing something chemically-related? Meaning does it have to be a hormone in your body to trigger your brain and eventually you can focus? Or is it something physically-related, like having a lot of neurons and more branched dendrites in your brain for you to focus?

work thoughts

Today is my second day with AECOM. We had a meeting with Miss Kathy that started at 10am and ended at around 4pm. I was able to learn a lot about mining and the EIA process. I realized that it’s not enough that you know the technical details of a certain project (i.e. science technical details) but you also have to know about the environmental laws of the Philippines. Another thing to know is the process of how to obtain permits from the government, how to request data from government agencies, to know the EIA process itself- how to go about it and how to attack the problems, how to think of mitigation measures given such impacts.

These are the things that I would like to learn. Anything about the environment makes me happy and excited. I guess I was able to find my niche early on in life. I know I love doing science. Though this may not be in depth hardcore science, but it’s still part of science. And I love it. Another thing I love is traveling: Learning while traveling. Not everyone is given the opportunity to do the travels that I do. You go to areas where tourists don’t go, commune with the locals, learn their cultures, immerse yourself in their ways, try to speak their language, see geological features that are not typical tourist destinations, rather pristine and archaic. Yun yun e.

I was so blessed to have jobs that really interest me. Thank you Lord. :) I feel excited every time I wake up, I feel driven. Yes at times I feel tired, but that tiredness does not equate at all to wanting to quit. What it brings me is more motivation, more inspiration to continue doing what I love to do.

Sigh. J Ang saya ng buhay. Thank you Lord. :)

another photo experiment

this is the mural at our house's family hallway.

experimenting with photos

i have time on my hands now. got to experiment with different techniques for photos.