On presenting and other thoughts and complications

Currently I’m stuck in a dilemma. I’ve learned just today, 9 November/ Wednesday, at around 8AM that I will present at the NIGSCON 2011 on 10 November/ Thursday, 10:30AM. Wow. I assumed that since I wasn’t able to submit an abstract, though I submitted a title, I’ll be automatically removed from the symposium. But no. Huhuhu. It was my professor/mentor/adviser/boss who even texted me this morning to let me know my name was included in the program. I panicked; I didn’t know what to do. She told me to remove my name from the program otherwise “masisisi na naman tayo dyan”, as she have stated. I am now confused whether to present or not. Whoo. Decisions, decisions. If you cannot defend your decision with conviction and honesty, be ready to suffer the consequences. If I present, I MAY suffer the consequence of having a bad presentation; a presentation not reviewed by my adviser. If I do not present, I WILL suffer the consequence of failing my professor, forsaking my slot in the symposium, and just being a coward. Take note of ‘MAY’ and ‘WILL’. For someone reading this, the logical answer should be: mag-present ka na! What’s 15 minutes of talking in front of scholarly people for someone who keeps on talking almost non-stop all day? Yun yun e. The difference lies in the AUDIENCE. Bring me in front of my fellow youth to talk about leadership, passion, achieving your dreams, being happy and contented, no problem with that! It’s very easy. Impromptu speech about inspiring others, go! Sudden introductory/opening remarks, I’m game!

But this… the academic people… AYAYAY! It’s a different ball game. They will criticize you, scrutinize you, hang you dry in the open. In short, they will eat you alive!!! Gusto ko ba ‘to??? Gusto ko ba ‘to???

I am writing this entry because I need to feel again how to write. It has been quite a while since I last wrote in a journal, complete with all the emotions and all those English words. I just have to get my juices flowing again.

I’ve thought a lot of things to blog lately. Every time I would experience something great, a realization or insight or something funny/wonderful/sublime, I would tell myself, “This is worth blogging”. Compendiums of consciousness were stored in my memory. However, they have seemed to lodge in the frontal lobe’s short-term memory area, where it can only be remembered to a maximum of seven to eight seconds. Sigh. I’m trying to probe my long-term memory for possible records of such compendiums.

Searching…

Searching…

Searching…

File not found…

YET.

Soon perhaps.

Sigh. Reading what I’ve written above makes me feel compelled to do it. Just do the frickin’ presentation! Just present! Fifteen minutes plus five minutes of questioning, that’s it! Never mind if you’re exposed. Never mind the flaws. Never mind the mistakes and the humiliation you’ll feel if someone will badger you with questions. I know that after this presentation, I will come out relieved, stronger, and not afraid to face my professor. Kasi I need her signature for my Form 5 eh, hahaha!

LET’S GO EDZ!!!

THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!!!

travel abroad...

2008- Melbourne/Sydney, Australia

2009- Bangkok, Thailand & Castellaneta Marina/Rome, Italy & Singapura

2010- Vienna, Austria

2011-??? Bakit wala??? :( dapat Hawaii, USA e :( huhu sayang. :( o 'di kaya Madrid, Spain. Not yet too late!!! please Lord one travel abroad this year! :D :D :D

The Legend of Zelda

Bata pa lang ako, nilalaro na ng mga kapatid kong lalaki ang The Legend of Zelda. Nakaka-intriga yung pangalan ng video game, ang sarap pakinggan. Ang ganda ganda ng pangalang Zelda, ang ganda ganda rin ng pagkaisip ko nun sa hitsura ni Zelda. Tapos nung nalaman ko na yung bida, si Link, nais niyang iligtas si Princess Zelda mula sa masasamang kamay ni Ganon, lalo akong mas naintriga at naging masugid na taganood sa mga kapatid ko habang naglalaro. Oo, tiga-nood lang ako nun kasi four years old lang ako at hindi pa talaga marunong mag-Nintendo.

Mas natuwa ako kay Princess Zelda kesa kay Princess Peach ng Mario. Ewan ko, ang korni kasi ni Peach e, parang pa-cute. E etong si Zelda may powers kasi siya at mukhang hindi lang maarte na prinsesa na patapon. Gusto ko yung ideya na mandirigma rin siya.

Kahit na alam kong olats ako maglaro ng game na ito, wala lang, gusto ko siya. Gusto ko kasi yung plot, ang astig e, me mga salamanca eklavu. At naalala ko kasi kailangan mong gamitin utak mo pag naglaro ka nito, parang Diablo RPG. :)

Sana makapunta ako sa isang party or sa comic con tapos yung suot ko si Princess Zelda :D

thoughts today

the anger grows, it builds up, like the snowball effect.

next comes apathy.

i hope i don't reach this.

if i do...

i don't know what will happen.

commuting with the right outfit

I have no qualms with commuting. Really. I am a COMMUTER GIRL. But I have one requirement:

THAT I'D BE DECKED IN THE PROPER YET STYLISH COMMUTING ATTIRE.

Weather 1: Sunny and humid.

Shorts just above the knees or commonly called as puruntong is okay by me. Perhaps I can pair it with a collared sleeveless top tucked in my shorts with a belt. Every time you tuck your shirt in jeans or slacks with belt flaps, ALWAYS wear a belt. Sandals are okay but definitely not slippers. I think I've outgrown the "slipper phase". Sige tingnan mo paa mo pagkatapos magcommute pag naka-tsinelas. Super dumi diba? For me, the sandals I'd like to wear is Birkenstock (hindi ako pa-sosyal okay, pero yung porma ng Birkenstock yung gusto ko). Still I'd opt for closed shoes over sandals while commuting in this weather. I don't want to wearpekpekshorts as these do not only attract peeping toms/harassers but you invite all the dust and bacteria to enter in your down there. Yuck. At baka kung anu-ano na lang ang dumikit sa hita mo, lalo na pag sumasakay ka ng bus. Buti na lang malamig sa MRT, bacteria is slower to proliferate compared to buses and jeepneys. But still, there's bacteria everywhere. Another thing to consider is the material of your clothing. You can opt for sweat wicker tops and bottoms so that when you perspire, your body will remain cool. Sleeveless tops are enough, don't go for spaghetti straps or tube tops. Again, dust and bacteria and soot will anchor themselves onto your skin. Kung ang biyahe mo ay maikli lang, siguro pwede na rin ang mga maiikling damit or damit na nagpapakita ng balat. Pero kung tipong Parañaque to QC, think twice. Anyway here's a summary of what I think should be worn for this weather:

Bottoms: -puruntong/boyfriend shorts (not pekpek shorts)

-pants with lightweight material- avoid corduroys and thick jeans

-skirt (can be a about and inch above the knee-this should be the shortest length)

Tops: -sleeveless tops

-short-sleeved shirts

-shirts with sweat wicker material

Shoes: -sandals NOT slippers

-closed shoes with lightweight material

-sneakers

Accessories: any that will suit your get-up but make sure they don't jangle much

these are really cute necklaces, teehee! :)

Bag: any just as long as they're closed or outfitted with a zipper or flap

i didn't know that this was the Prada Fairies bag! haha! i just thought it was a stylish and classy bag but i was surprised that it is PRADA! naku! if you bring this while commuting, patay tayo dyan! just bring this extremely expensive bag when you're NOT commuting!

Dresses: okay but length shouldn't be too short and sleeves shouldn't be spaghetti

Weather 2: Wet and cold.

Naku, in the Philippines, this is a BIG problem. When it rains, it's a DOWNPOUR, especially during the monsoon months. That is why, as much as I can, I equip myself for this weather type. I don't want to be caught unprepared. Kaya if there's a sale on rain gears, I buy them kahit na summer pa lang. I don't want to get wet all over. I don't want to suffer from the cold, lalo na lamigin ako. And my pet peeve of all, I DON'T WANT MY FEET TO GET WET!!! Yaaak! Proven na yan! Maarte talaga ako when it comes to my feet getting soaked in URBAN RAINWATER! Yaaaak! Baka may leptospirosis pa yun! Wala akong pakialam kung nasa bundok ako or nasa ilog or sa dagat sa malayong lugar, yung hindi populated, okay lang sakin ma-soak sapatos/paa ko roon, pero sa ciudad! Hell no! Yaaak! Iniisip ko pa lang umuurong na pwet ko, eeeew! Naiiyak nga ako minsan pag nararamdaman ko nang nababasa na siya e. Minsan kasi umuulan sa kalagitnaan ng biyahe ko, e hindi ako naka-outfit ng maayos! Huhuhu! For me, the MOST important item to invest in in this weather type are your SHOES, really.

Bottoms: -jeans with thick material- wear this provided that you tuck them in your boots

-pants with quick dry material- if you don't have boots where you can tuck your bottoms

-skirts that are not too short but your boots should be calf-length or knee-length high

-leggings

Tops: -long-sleeved shirts that can be worn as is or folded into three-fourths

-turtle neck tops for that extra cold and wet season

-thick and long-sleeved tops- if you're not wearing a jacket

-quick-dry shirts

Jackets: -preferably waterproof rain jackets (I recommend TNF or Columbia or the like)

-trench coats with waterproof material for heavy downpours

-denim jackets for the cold winds and rain

-cardigan/sweaters and the like for the cold winds but not really for the rain

cardigans can really jazz up your attire :)

UMBRELLA of course!

i do hope i have this kind of umbrella! ikaw na ang astig na payongyong!

Shoes: -RAIN BOOTS! The best!!! Tried and tested! Nomad Turquoise Blue Monet!

-waterproof field/climbing boots- Mine are Vasque field boots. They can be stiff and heavy for my small feet but it does the job of protecting them!

-shoes that you don't mind getting wet but will protect your feet from the icky urban rainwater which carries a smorgasbord of bacteria

my peyborit!!! yey!!!

i feel confident to step into shallow puddles with these sturdy and durable boots! :)

Accessories: anything suitable for your outfit but make sure it wouldn't tarnish or get oxidized easily as rain water can be acidic up to some extent. It would be nice if they are colorful. Add life to the gloomy weather :)

Bag: preferably not leather or cloth.

Dresses: Hmmm... if you can pull it off and not feel grossed out by splashing urban rainwater on your calves if you're not wearing high boots, why not? :)

So friends, these are just a few tips on what and what NOT to wear during these weather conditions here in Manila. Actually I haven't included here yet the weather in between, like windy and sunny, cloudy but warm, sunny then cloudy then wet (oh this can be the worst as you don't know what you'll wear at the start of the day!), etc. Perhaps will post them some other time. :)

Bottom line is, be prepared for the weather so that you'll find commuting easier and relatively comfortable. And don't hesitate to throw in a few style punches as this can make your experience more fun. :)

sporadic boredom

I wonder why at times I'll just feel bored of things. I lose all that jazz, pizzazz and razzmatazz for life. I feel lost and a bit downtrodden but I don't know what's eating me up. I lose focus of the things I need to do. Like today for instance, I have a vicariate meeting at 2pm then dance class from 3pm to 6:30pm. I know I HAVE to attend but I'm seated here in my RA room, plastered in front of my laptop and feel like I haven't done anything for my thesis whereas I've been working on it almost the whole day yesterday. It's this effin' thesis that makes my life miserable. Really. As in REALLY. It's like an anchor to my body. I can't go/accomplish/achieve anything FULLY with this anchor attached to me.

I HAVE TO BREAK FREE!!!

LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH!!! I need it, please!

LBM Monday

Yep. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I had loose bowel movement today; LBM for short, but I hope not for long, haha! There are those times when you feel not going to your appointment or to work or to school, you feel like ditching it. I have friends who experience the same thing, backing out of a "date" or whatever. And normally, the advice I'll give, "tsong, sabihin mo me LBM ka. surefire reason yan." Pag inisip mo, how can you not excuse someone who has LBM diba?

Well, okay nga na dahilan ang LBM KUNG WALA KA TALAGANG LBM. Pero mare, kung meron talaga, e GRABE talaga ang LBM. Ikaw na! Ikaw na ang balik nang balik sa banyo kada oras! At kung malala talaga, tulad na lang nung after ng WYD 1995, ikaw na! Ikaw na ang limang beses sa isang oras pabalik-balik sa banyo! Oh my poor pwet :( Ngayon hindi na ganun kalala. Kada oras lang ako bumabalik, haha!

I think my LBM had something to do with all those INSTANT NOODLES I ate for the past week. At hindi lang pala instant noodles, CANNED GOODS din! Shet. Ang dami ko na sigurong inflammations in my body and my brain might get weak! Ugh! Nooooo! I can't afford for my brain to get weak until I finish my MS! Give me until December!!!

Kaya kanina, bigla na lang ako napabili ng Fontana vegetable juice (blech!) which contained concentrated juices of tomato, celery, beet, onion, paprika, carrots, and other vegetavles. Paprika?! Onion?! In a juice?! Blech!!! But I just had to. Food supplement din yun. I was supposed to buy cranberry nga e, kaso too much fructose. I've been drinking cranberry for the past two weeks. Tama na. Vegetable juice naman, hehehe. Kahit na yucky. Yuck!

Oh well, I need to be healthy again. Tama na yang noodles na yan! Or siguro hanggang maubos ko yung Lucky Me Kari flavor noodles. Ang sarap e! Haha! :D

when you were with someone for a long time and suddenly all ties were severed...

when you were with someone for a long time and suddenly all ties were severed...

it sucks, doesn't it?

you long for that person.

you wish for that person to notice you again.

you strongly hope to be friends again.

you desire to bring back those memories you shared with that person.

when you know that that person can calm your heart.

when you feel all that you're doing is futile but you know when you go to that person, everything will be alright.

when you find solace in that person amidst the chaos.

when everything in your life crumbles and still the only one left standing is that person.

sigh.

and you know it's all your fault why everything became severed...

it sucks, doesn't it?

Less is more

Is less really more?

I've encountered this cliche many times. But two events stuck to my mind. One was a conversation about fashion with Lia Javier, a highschool buddy of mine whom I've worked with in J&J and who's now in Australia piling on the dough in her bank account; another was in a meeting with my Vicariate bros, all of them men, biologically speaking. It was Kuya Toffee who brought up this idea, which he and his wife applied to their lives. Nung kami ni Lia, inapply namin sa fashion. Nung kay Kuya Toffee, inapply namin sa life.

And I thought to myself that maybe, less IS more, especially in life. You only need one pair of shoes that can probably last a year, not several pairs. You only need a few clothes to dress yourself up properly, not two closets filled with clothing you don't actually wear everyday. You only need a simple watch or simple jewelry, i.e. a nice pair of pearl earrings, and not boxes and boxes of trinkets and accessories. You only need one cellphone that can call and text, not a phone that has everything in it including a TV, music shizz, and games. What's the use of your TV and computer at home? You only need a simple meal, one rice, one viand, and probably vegetables, and not too many food on your plate which you cannot finish at na-"takaw tikim" ka lang. You only need one bag or two to fit in your things, and not several with varying colors, style, and sizes. You only need one jacket to protect yourself against the elements, and not so many that it takes up much space in your closet. You need a material that is inexpensive but functional and can meet your needs, not something that is way expensive because it's branded. You need not go to salons to get a manicure/pedicure/foot-hand spa/wax to feel beautiful; just being happy and content with your life and doing good deeds makes you FEEL beautiful.

Everything that I have now was driven by my WANT and not by my NEED. It was also driven by my "society-conscious" persona (see my Ang PUNYETANG society article in my earlier posts). Bad trip talaga yang society. I've decided to probe deeper into myself and started to evaluate my style and attitude towards material things--- what makes me WANT MORE when I actually NEED LESS. And I found out that:

• I love fashion. I like dressing up. I like expressing myself through clothes. I like wearing accessories, fashionable clothing, stylish yet functional shoes, etc.

• I like branded but exceptionally-crafted goodies. I believe branded goods have a reason why they are more expensive than those that are not. More time at the R&D department, multiple road tests of the product, skillful craftsmen are employed in creating the product. In short, there is a VALID REASON why they are expensive. But then again, there are branded goods that are just awful and would make you wonder why the hell is that thing extremely expensive. Like my friend who bought a Bam Pineda blue poncho worth 1800+ (sale pa 'yun!). What struck me at first glance is the color of the material--- electric blue. And also yung cut and style nung damit, mukhang okay naman, jersey style poncho. Edi okay siya, maganda-ganda naman, but not super wow. Plain lang ito ha, no embellishments at all. I asked my friend where he bought it and he said he bought it from Bam Pineda's atelier. I asked how much and he told me the price and I was like, "What??? Nasa'n na ang 1800 dyan???" I was furious!!! True, it's one of a kind, pero nasan na yung HALAGA ng 1800 doon??? The materials used were hideous! Parang matte jersey cloth na ginagamit sa uniform ng mga atleta!!! Eto pa! The drawstring used for the neckline was like the string found in the drawstring short na mabibili sa BANGKETA! Nasaan ang 1800 dun?!?!?!

The problem with some Filipino designers is that they invest sooo much on the mentality na "one-of-a-kind" lang yung produkto nilang ginagawa when the QUALITY of their clothes suffer!

... I've written this blog entry since August 2010 and it will be August 2011 soon and haven't finished it yet! Haha! Might as well post it anyway. I bet I can think of other entries related to this. I'll just write a new one for that. For now, I'll publish this na! :D

The Unsung Heroes of the Night

I've been wanting to write this blog for a long time but didn't get the chance to really sit down and write my thoughts. This article dawned upon me when I go home late at night and get to see the tired and weary workers shuffle in and out of buildings and vehicles. So who are these unsung heroes of the night?

1. Bus conductors

Yes driving can drain the energy from you but being a bus conductor, I think, drains energy the HELL OUT OF YOU. They're the ones who call out to people, "'yala lalim, 'yala lalim (Ayala ilalim)" and "'rtigas krosing, 'rtigas krosing (Ortigas Crossings)", "o marami pa, marami pa". And yes, they have to shout it at the top of their lungs, multiple times at pedestrians and commuters to get their attention. They risk their lives by jumping on and off the bus while it's still moving. Ang hirap kaya nun! When I tried to jump in the bus as it was starting to speed up, I slipped on the ledge and my shin landed right smack on the edge of the stairs! ARAY talaga! It left an ugly scar and dark mark on my once-beautiful (ching!) legs. Kader-der ang hitsura!

Kinakabahan nga ako every time the conductors will do that feat. Another difficult thing is giving and receiving passengers' money and ticket. You have to be an EXPERT in arithmetic. Bawal ang babagal-bagal todits. Also in tearing the ticket from the roll, dapat mabilis at malinis, you should know where the ticket per amount is located in your roll. Just thinking about it makes me uneasy kasi iniisip ko kung ako yun, oh no! OH NO TALAGA! Kaboom! Pandemonium na sa loob ng bus! Another malupit feat is that the conductor should memorize, more or less, who has paid or not. Ang hirap diba??? And you have to reach your quota for the day! Each bus has a quota, and the money they earn on top of that, goes to their pockets. Kaya dapat kayod ng OA so they can bring home enough money. Nakatayo pa sila most of the time inside the bus.

E pa'no kung gabi na, like 12mn? Isn't this task just too taxing and wearisome??? When you could have been at home resting by 8pm and having dinner with your family. Juggling arithmetic, memorization, dexterity skills, voice modulation and physical stress all at the same time is just a mean feat. Mabuhay ang mga konduktor ng bus!

2. Late shift fast food/restaurant crew
After feeling satisfied with your delicious food, you stand up, leave your table and plates uncleaned, get your things, and head for the car. A maitre d' then approaches your table and cleans the mess you've done. What if you decided to eat at around 9pm and eat for an hour? Can you imagine the hassle for the restaurant crew to be cleaning at 10pm whereas some people, as early as 8pm, are already sleeping? I've seen these men and women work hard, trying to utter a smile and produce a cheerful aura even if they're tired. If the restaurant closes at 10pm, makakauwi pa sila around 11pm or 12mn because they still have to clean the place and ready it for the next day. Just thinking about their job makes me tired.

3. Late shift mall/school/office maintenance/staff
After everyone has gone home at around 9 or 10pm, the mall maintenance/staff stay up late and check if everything is in shape. Sigh. How would you feel if everyone's going home already and you have to stay and fix things and everything that surrounds you seem dark and desolate...

4. Jeepney drivers/tricycle drivers working the late shift

'nuff said. You be the one to imagine this.

5. Vendors during late nights
That's what I always think about when I see these unsung night heroes. Why are they out here cleaning/working at this late hour when they should be at home resting, sleeping? I guess that's just how it goes to earn a living. But shouldn't these people deserve a decent salary? Compared to the politicians who, after JUST signing some legal papers, meron silang mga "lagay" na tinatawag. Mga leche sila! Corrupting taxpayers' money! Hayop yang mga pulitiko na yan, ang dami-daming naghihirap ngunit eto sila, taking more than what they should receive! At the end of the line, marginalized people get shortchanged and end up breaking their back to work! CORRUPT POLITICIANS MAKE ME SO ANGRY!

I've started writing this way back in August 2010 and it's only now that I've completed it. I wasn't actually able to add more, except for a few lines perhaps. This is it.

So people, next time you go home late, if you feel tired and weary and you feel like lashing out at someone, let's say the late night restaurant crew or the tindera sa kanto or the bus conductor, think twice.

i am now alright.

after this afternoon's accomplishment of tasks, i feel relieved! :) eventhough i've only finished one out of three tasks, i still feel unburdened. perhaps THAT problem was the thing bothering me the most. sigh. thank you so much Lord :) now i can be focused on my other to-do tasks such as the thesis and that something else that requires money. i've also finished paying my braces! woohoo! so more money to save! but i've taken up dance classes at Symmetry so that'll also make a dent in my savings. hmmm. i think i should compute how much i'm saving monthly.

let's go go go thesis!

completely blank.

My life right now is in shambles. Sigh. I know I've experienced far worse problems than these, but I don't know, these problems I'm facing right now seem to burden me much more. :( I catch myself staring blankly into empty space, thinking nothing, thinking anxiously, thinking nervously then thinking nothing again. Sigh :( what's happening to me... :(

Fun time with Audrina! :D

I finally got home after spending five days at school. I felt like I've been gone for ages. I went upstairs to make mano and kiss Mama, si Papa kasi na-mano and kiss ko na because he picked me up from school. I hurried upstairs kasi nararamdaman ko na si Audrina and just the thought of seeing her made me giddy with excitement! When I opened the door of my parents' room, Audrina was there! Lying on the bed with Mama! And then she immediately arose and looked at me and flashed her pretty pretty smile! Oh my heart melted and as I walked towards her, you could see her eyes lighting up some more and her smile became even wider, haha! Then she giggled and hid her face on Mama's thigh, haha so cute! And when I called her, "Audrinaaaa! I missed you, halika rito!" She stood up on the bed, went to me, and flung her arms around me, and I felt all my troubles float away! Ang sarap sarap!!! :)

Namomroblema na ko sa kotse kanina, pero isang ngiti, isang yakap, at isang halik kay Audrina, nawala na lahat ng problema ko. Sigh :) Tapos eto pa, when Papa and I were eating dinner, Audrina wanted to play with me. Naghabulan kami around the house, hahaha! And we were laughing all the time!!! Ang saya saya ko! It was truly a GENUINE, INNOCENT, and JOYFUL laugh! Oh how I will remember that moment with Audrina :) Kaya ko nga sinulat kasi I can't contain my feelings about it, ang saya! Ang sarap sarap tumawa with Audrina! :) Pure joy lang talaga, walang kailangan na mental work. Matatawa ka sa tuwa. Sigh. :)

Audrina, tita patricia loves you very much! :)