A child-like heart for Christmas and other thoughts

Ganda nung homily nung pari sa amin nung Christmas Eve. It's about possessing a CHILD-LIKE heart. Take note, child-like ha, hindi childish. There's a difference between the two.

Napaisip ako. Ano nga ba ang child-like heart? It's like having the heart of a child. What is inside the child's heart? Malamang me aorta, valves, ventricles, veins, etc. Haha! Wait no, shaddup Edz! Haha! A child-like heart...

Well if I start to recall what was it like when I was a child, I cannot say there is much of a difference now. I still have a child-like heart. That's what I am until now. I am reminiscing how it felt like when I was a child. Here's the list:

• I remember being curious in a lot of things. How things worked; what do words mean; why were objects like this and like that; how does a TV work (I was a TV addict then); how do radios work; why were leaves green; why do plants grow; why do cats look like cats; why do dogs bark, etc. We have this Childcraft volumes. Pinakagusto ko dun yung Make and Do. Gagawa ka ng mga home-made artistic toys. Gagawa naman ako! Hahaha! Isa pa yung gustung-gusto kong basahing libro, yung Did you know?. It was given to us by mama and papa. Dami kong natutunan dun like what was the first universal language established in the world? It was the Esperanto. Isa pa yung what is the dog that doesn't bark? It's the Basenji. Astig nga e. Astig yung libro na yun.

• I remember putting myself in other people's perspective all the time. Yung iniisip ko ako sila and how do I see my environment from their perspective. Ang saya nga nito e. Parang nakikita ko rin yung nakikita nila kahit magkaiba kami ng lugar.

• I didn't care what other people said as long as I'm happy. Wala akong pakialam. Bata ako. Masaya ako. Maglaro man ako sa loob ng mall or maghahahawak ng kung anu-ano, basta may natututunan ako at masaya ako, wala akong pakialam sa mga tao.

• I trusted people. Even strangers. My first perception of them was they are good and they would do me no harm.

• I was open to every idea present. Absorb lang ako ng absorb, no argument.

• I had no pressure to be somebody. What I was, I was. No pretensions. I don't have any anxieties or troubles to think about. I wasn't pressured by society or family to perform well. Basta masaya ako, yun ang ginagawa ko.

• It was easy for me to imagine things. Like flying in the sky, eating the stars, riding the dog in the Never Ending Story movie, stroke a unicorn, be like an astronaut, have superpowers like in the cartoon The Visionaries, have wings, be part of Voltes V or Voltron (hahaha!), etc. Basta ang dami kong gustong maging nung bata ako. Lakas ng imagination e.

• I accept objects/things/situations as they are. Hindi ako nagsasabi ng, "dapat naging ganito ka na lang" or "dapat ganito na lang ginawa natin". I don't blame other people if something goes wrong. Iniisip ko na lang, "ganun malamang nga yung mangyayari talaga".

• I easily get happy with whatever. Hindi ako mahirap pasayahin. Mababaw kaligayahan ko.

Haaay. Marami pa yan. Dami kong vivid memories nung bata ako. Blessed ako kasi I had a GREAT childhood. Others were robbed of this e. Wala silang childhood na matatawag. Maswerte talaga ako I have loving parents and wonderful brothers. I also grew up in an environment na malinis at malayo sa ingay ng kalye. Peaceful ba. Tapos ang saya pa ng extended family namin. Edi rambulan na. Haaay.

Lord, thank you for giving me wonderful memories of my childhood brought by my wonderful family and friends. Not everyone is given this privilege.

I was inspired by the story of the The Gallo Brothers. Sila yung big wigs of the wine industry in the US. I was able to watch it sa Biography Channel. Grabe, kawawa talaga sila. Sila yung sinasabi kong walang childhood. Mayaman nga sila when they became old. But when they were young, dugo't pawis talaga puhunan nila makaaral lang. They were doing hard labor when they should be enjoying the life of a child. Hay. Kaya nga kahapon naghugas ako ng pinggan.

If these Gallo Brothers were able to be successful knowing they started from the poorest of the poor, how much more can I be/accomplish if I started out with something?

ang punyetang society

Nung isang gabi, December 21, naglalakad akong mag-isa sa may bandang playground sa CP Garcia at kabababa ko lang sa Ikot. Ang dami kong iniisip. Bago ako bumababa, inisip ko kung okay bang bumababa ako sa may KNL para trike papuntang TomatoKick tapos lakad papuntang apartment o 'di kaya'y baba ng playground tapos lakad na hanggang apartment. Malayo-layong lakarin din kasi tapos ang dami ko pang bitbit. Dala-dala ko kasi si Chiqui, yung laptop kong kay bigat, tapos nakakatakot din baka ma-holdap ako kasi muntikan na kaming mabiktima ni Kat sa isang punyetang holdaper pagkatapos ng lantern parade. Sa kaiisip kaiisip, napagpasyahan ko na lang na bumaba sa playground at maglakad hanggang apartment. Walangya. Napagod pa neurons ko.

Ang lamig. Suot-suot ko yung denim jacket ko tapos si Amira nasa likod ko lulan si Chiqui tapos dala ko si Davao bag at yung bag kong kayumanggi't itim. Ambigat. Lakad, lakad, lakad. Habang naglalakad, nakakasense ako ng pagkati ng mga kamay kong gumastos. Naisip ko medyo maaga pa, bukas pa yung mga tindahan, gimmick muna ako mag-isa. Me pera ako para punan yung kalungkutan. Naisip ko na iwan ko na lang muna sa apartment mga bag ko at lumarga pagkatapos. Naisip kong magpa-manicure/pedicure, o di kaya'y magpa-wax ng legs, o magpa-masahe, o kaya magpa-thread ng kilay. Grabe, daming choices. Pero alam mo ba kung saan ako lumanding na choice? Ang bumili ng dinner at chichirya at manood ng pelikula kay Chiqui (hay so much for a date with myself).

Habang naghihintay sa Cibola ng chicken fingers, naglabas ako ng notebook at nagsimulang magsulat. Ang dami kong iniisip. Ang dami... Ang dami... Parang lahat na lang ng katanungan ng
"why" o "bakit" tinatanong ko. Eto yung naisulat ko:

Ganito pala ang feeling ng mag-isa at may dalang pera. Yung mafi-feel mo ang the need to spend. Mag-isa ka. May pera ka. Edi ibili mo ng pera ang kaligayahan. Kaya pala madalas kumita ang mga girly bars. Meron kasi silang mga kustomer na single at may perang gagastusin. Kaya rin kumikita ang manininda ng mga luho tulad ng electronic shops, spa, mga restorang may GRO, casino, etc. Pag mag-isa ka pala, may tendency ka to spend kasi gusto mong aliwin ang sarili mo. Gusto mo magkaroon ng bagong gamit, may makinig sa mga sinasabi mong walang katuturan pero gusto mo lang na may nakikinig sayo, matawa kahit mag-isa. Yung bang gusto mo lang na may magawa na ikatutuwa mo. KAYA KA GAGASTOS KASI SARILI MO ANG GAGASTUSAN MO. Wala ka namang asawa't anak. Magulang mo mayaman naman. Wala ka lang talagang malagyan ng limpak-limpak mong salapi. Siguro eto yung sinasabi nilang "single blessedness". WALA KANG AATUPAGIN KUNDI ANG SARILI MO LANG. Hawak mo ang sarili mong pera at oras. In fairness, enjoy naman. Unbridled freedom.


At nang masulat ko ito dumating na ang chicken fingers. Bago pala akong pumuntang Cibola, bumili muna ako ng gourmet chips at bote ng Pepsi sa Mini Stop para magsilbing snack habang nanonood. At habang naglalakad ako, ang dami kong iniisip.

May mga nakita akong poor sa sidewalk. Merong mag-jowa na nakahandusay dun sa sidewalk. Nakahiga yung babae dun sa lap nung lalaking nakaupo dun sa sidewalk. Isipin mo ha, sa sidewalk sila nakahiga at nakaupo. Biglang naisip ko yung kantang "when we're hungry, love will keep us alive...". Naisip ko, hinde, hindi kaya ng love lang ang bumuhay sa isang couple! Nagiging realistic lang naman ako. Pero in fairness, at least mukha naman silang masaya. Yung lalaki nakita akong dala dala yung polystyrene from Cibola laman yung chicken fingers. Inignore ko na lang pero nasasaktan puso ko.

Bakit may mahirap? Bakit may mayaman? Bakit sa istorya ng buhay, kailangan merong nang-aapi at inaapi? Bakit ngayong pasko, sobrang makikita mo yung discrepancy between the rich and the poor? Bakit ganun yung majority sa society, that they look down on the people who cannot afford much in life? Bakit kailangan para maka-achieve ka ng magandang status in society, kailangan pera ang iharap mo? Bakit yung may pera, sila yung mga tinitingala? Bakit ang PUNYETANG SOCIETY na yan e ang nangdidikta kung paano ka dapat kumilos???

Punyetang mga norms of society yan.

the day before yesterday, yesterday and today

The day before yesterday, December 19, was the "dedication" of Kat's niece, Lyanna Marie, at Tarlac. It's called dedication because in the Born Again religion, that's what they do. Merong pastor na magpipreach for a about 15-20 minutes. Maganda yung sinasabi niya, it's about a child being raised properly based on scriptural principles. Maganda in fairness talaga and I agree with what he's saying. Olats lang yung the way he delivered it. Ang olats talaga. Na-bore ako big time. Ang baduy nung speaker e. May laman sinasabi niya, baduy lang siya. Hahaha! Ang laki ng lupain nila Kat sa Tarlac as in! Haciendera kasi, haha! Pwede mong itapon yung ultimate disc with all your strength and hindi pa maaabot yung dulo ng lupain nila. Heck not even one-third! Laki sa yaman talaga tong si Kat e, hehe!

Yesterday, December 20, I was sooo tired from the biyahe back and forth from Tarlac that I just slept the whole day and woke up to get dressed for Jam Sacaben's debut. Napagalitan pa ako ng magulang ko kasi wala akong naicontribute sa house na chore. Actually totoo nga yung sinasabi ni Papa e, yung maswerte ako dahil bababa na lang ako ng bahay para kumain, aakyat pagkatapos kumain at manonood ng TV o kaya mahihiga o maglaro ng computer. Maswerte talaga ako. Maswerte kami dahil meron kaming house helpers to take care of the household chores. Hindi ko nga alam kung mabubuhay ako nang walang maid. Ipinangako ko na sa sarili ko that when I grow up and live alone or have a family, I will have definitely have the money to afford a house helper! It would definitely make things easier for everyone in the house. Now if I'm extra rich I'll get a driver, haha!

Kaya nga ako nagsusumikap ngayon to afford the things that I need and want in the future. So that I can send my kids to a good school. Or if I won't have a family, I will work hard so I can support my parents in their twilight years. Also support my brothers' families. I shall be a rich, gay auntie (hahahaha Sunny!). By the way, gay here means happy, hahaha! :D

Hay buhay. Daming pwedeng mangyari ng isang idlap. Marami akong gustong gawin! Hay. Dami kong gustong i-try, daming gustong gawin, daming gustong kainin, bilhin, suotin, maranasan. Hay. Anyway, magpopost na lang ako ng picturan ko todits. Eto yung Italy trip ko nung June 2009:

This was in Sassi di Matera in Italy. This village was carved out of the limestone outcrops here in this area. People were like living in "caves" in the olden times.

Of course, the famous St. Peter's Basilica in Roma, Italia. However, we weren't able to enter the Basilica due to time constraints. Bad trip. So Doc Chelo just took this jump shot of Meg and I in St. Peter's Square.

The historical place of the GLADIATORS!!! The COLOSSEUM!!! :)

Actually nilalagay ko lang tong mga photos na ito para kung me magbabasa man, e hindi naman ma-bore sa mga text heavy kong entries, hehe.

Sa susunod uli! :D

December 2009 and other thoughts

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nakakablog talaga. A lot has happened in this year. Eto na ata yung taon na ang dami kong napuntahan. I consider traveling as one of the highlights in my life. You know why? Kasi I get to travel for FREE! Haha! Except for Singapore, where Papuy got married, and Dakak for an extended family getaway. All other trips were FREE! :D I was able to go to Bangkok and Italy this year. Also to Davao, Bacolod, Negros, Aklan, Iloilo, Sorsogon, Bicol, Boracay, into the remote areas of Kalibo (as in mega remote), at marami pang iba. Hindi ko na nga maalala e. I presented my thesis topic thrice this year (Bangkok, Italy, and Davao). Wow grabe.

Ang kulit ko noh? I mean here I am writing about my trips. Sinasabi ko kasi baka malimutan ko e. I'm not a good picture keeper. I don't know where my other photos are so isusulat ko na lang, hehe. Ang sabog ko talaga when it comes to keeping photos. Ang daming trips napuntahan but the pictures are in someone else's camera. Ano ba yan. Mga bundok trips ko rin marami-rami na and I love them all pero I don't know where they are, huhuhu. Teka, eto isa sa mga trips ko:

Eto yung nag-Bicol kami. Medyo matagal na nga ito e. Hay. Pero buti na lang kita yung tugatig ng Mayon. Bakit ba kasi ang sabog ko magtago ng mga litrato? :(

I FINISHED MY THESIS PROPOSAL NA! Yehey! :D Well, hindi naman siya tapos na talaga kasi hindi pa siya approved ng IESM at ineedit pa siya ni Doc Chelo and Doc Mark. Pero at least me draft na! Woohoo! Gusto ko na talaga grumaduate. Gusto ko nang mag-aral sa ibang bansa. Gusto ko nang ma-experience kung paano mamuhay sa isang foreign land at kung paano mag-aral doon. Ang dami kong gustong gawin. Sometimes I find myself writing my thoughts often. I realized I'm better in expressing myself through words instead of drawing. Though I dabble in art at times, it is in writing that I find relaxation and relief. When I'm upset I write. When I want to do something but can't, I write. When I imagine myself soaring to greater heights, I write that thought on paper.

Hay.

Ang dami kong gustong gawin. Sana lang magawa ko silang lahat. There's so much for me to do out there. Plenty of opportunities waiting to be harvested by eager people. Sana swertehin ako balang araw, hehehe. Berkeley, I pray that you won't be elusive in reality.

Kakatapos lang ng lantern parade at wala man lang akong dalang camera. Loser. Pero ayos lang, me utak naman ako para itago yung thoughts na yun. Bad trip lang kasi ako lang makakanenjoy sa utak ko. Maganda diba shinisheyr sa iba. Buti na lang nandun din si Kat sa lantern last year at this year. Para siya na lang yung ka-sheyr ko sa mga memories ng lantern. Masaya na ako dun. :)

Ano pa bang gusto kong isulat? Dami e. Ayan na naman ako. Maraming gustong gawin at maraming iniisip. Masyado yata akong nag-iisip at nagloolook into the future kaya hindi ko na alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko in the present. Sabi nga sa Kung Fu Panda, yung isa sa favorite lines ko ni Master Oog Wei, "Quit, don't quit; Noodles, don't noodles; you are too concerned of what was and what will be. There is a saying: Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; and today is a gift; that's why it's called the PRESENT."

Is it bad if I think of the future too much? Pero paano yung sinasabi nilang 'envision yourself of what you want to become in the future so that it will come true'? Hay. Dapat ata equal footing lang yung pag-iisip sa future at sa present. Hay. Ewan ko ba.

Basta, masarap magsulat. Hehe. Natuwa nga ako sa entry ni Debs e, kaya ako na-inspire magsulat ulit todits sa blog ko. Anyway, kailangan ko nang umuwi dahil 2230H na e nandito pa ako sa lab sa NIGS. Adik. Haha.

See you soon blog! :)