Tama ba 'tong pinasukan ko?!

One of the reasons I took up MS Environmental Science is:

I want to escape the realm of chemistry and math.

Pucha, malaking pagkakamaliiii (To the tune of Ryan Cayabyab's song) As in solid. Well, hindi naman talaga siya "pagkakamali". It's more like mali siguro 'yung naging perception ko sa EnviSci. Iniisip ko it's all about the animals. Iniisip ko konti lang 'yung math niya. Oks lang ako sa chem kasi hindi naman supah dupah hardcore 'yung chem e. Pero kasi napag-aralan ko na kaya masasabi ko na oks lang sakin yung chem. But math? Omigas abelgas, eto na yung hardcore.

Our teacher said that Environmental Science is a difficult course since it encompasses a wide field of science disciplines. Na-realize ko, shet, oo nga. Bakit ko ba kasi naisip na puro hayop ang makakadeal ko sa EnviSci? Eh hindi naman pala! It's about encompassing everything in the environment--- the atmosphere, biosphere, hydrosphere, and geosphere. Isispin mo, lahat yan kelangan mong i-link! Pero naman kasi pwede kang kumuha ng specialization kaya oks lang din, hehe. You know like there are those days lang talaga that you would stop and think and reflect on what's going on with your life...

Tama ba talaga na nag-envi sci ako? I fear that I'm not cut out for this. Nakakaintimidate nga e. Actually minsan napapaisip ako habang naglalakad sa UP, kapag nakakasalubong ko mga UP students, nakaksalimuha ko orgmates ko, napapaisip ako ng, "shet men ang tatalino nilaaaa... Kung hindi sila nanggaling ng Pisay, e malamang nasa upper 10% sila ng graduating batch..." Hanep manindak e, haha! Minsan iniisip ko kung fit ba ako dito sa UP... Well in some aspects yes, but in some maybe no... Haaay...

Pero you know, right now my life is back in the right track. Dati talaga windang ako e! Remember my other blog, yung sabi kong nagka-anxiety attack ako? Grabe talaga yun, I was thinking of dropping everything, quitting pa nga e. But now oks na siya. I'm happy kasi tapos ko na lahat ng assignments, woohoo! I'm just praying na oks silang lahat! Hhuhu... Hindi ko keri kung babagsak ako! Ano ba yan... My grade should be above 2.0!

Hay pero I thank God tapos na ko, and He has given me strength to finish all my assignments. Hanep naman kasi sa UP, talagang sasagarin ka, as in sa dulo ng sem lahat ng tapusan. Hindi tulad sa DLSU, laging on your toes kasi mabilis talaga. Sa UP, petiks muna tapos cramming na sa dulo! haha. But it's good, ibang style naman, haha :)

Mga Kathang Isip ko... Part 3

Every time I try to open my blog and compose something, my mind just goes blank. Parang nauubusan ako ng sasabihin when in fact sa bawat segundo na ginawa ng Diyos, hindi ako tumigil sa pag-iisip. Pag-iisip ng gusto kong mangyari sa buhay. Ang dami kasi e. Iniisip ko rin kung paano malalampasan mga suliranin ko ngayon sa MS... pucha, nagka-anxiety attack ata ako nung isang araw. Sobrang nagpatong-patong talaga mga problema ko:

nawala ID ko
may findings sa urinalysis ko
ang bagal ng doktor dumating sa clinic
wala pa akong med certificate for employment
pumuntang Philcoa para kunin sweldo sa DPB
bumalik ng school sa ilalim ng init ng araw
meron pa akong take home exam
meron akong 4 chapters of loaded reading
3-page hardcore essay
journal critique
trabaho as GA sa NIGS
powerpoint presentation for journal critique
emotional problem sa lovelife (meron pala ako nito?)
kapaguran sa paglalakad sa napakalawak na paaralan
hinahabol ang pagsasara ng cashier at banko
AAAAAAA!!!

GRABEEEE!!! I was going to burst that day! People were saying, "edz ang sabog mo na, windang ka ba?" They just don't know what I was going through! I normally don't worry about these things pero grabe 'to, parang feeling ko ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganoong kasama na pakiramadam...

At buti na lang... nandyan si JWAN... haaay, thanks tae, astig ka. Dahil sayo napakalma mo pakiramdam ko. Thank you for answering your cellphone. Alam mo bang usually 'pag tumatawag ako sa mga tao, walang sumasagot. Good thing Jwan's always there to listen. Wala na rin si Lyka, masyadong malayo, long distance pa. Dehins na kaya ng plan ko i-cover yun, hehe. We talked and we talked. I narrated to her everything: my feelings that day, my worries, anxiety attack, pressured environment... And she gave me the best advice which, until today, lingers in my head:

Tsong, one step at a time lang... Kaya mo naman 'yan once inupuan mo 'yan isa-isa...

And true enough, after she said these words, I became calm and composed myself. I was on my way to the chapel when I called Jwan. I really needed God that time, hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Tamang-tama, before I stepped in the chapel, Jwan answered the phone. Kinausap ko siya habang nakaupo ako sa damuhan sa labas ng chapel. It was a comforting moment. God's creations were relaxing me: the touch of cool, green grass, cool wind over my face, serene environment, relaxed atmosphere. It was as if all my worries vanished after entering the vicinity of the chapel.

God sent me friends so I can call on them when I need help or when I need to vent out my feelings. I'm so thankful for them. Inisip ko nga, kung may boyfriend kaya ako matatawagan ko siya ng parang ganito? Yung talagang dumadaing ng todo? Naisip ko parang hindi yata... Kaya oks pa rin kahit single, haha. (Parang may bitterness somewhere ah... hahah! Hende, wala 'no) Wala pang jumajackpot sa'kin eh, haha! Darating din yan at an unexpected time, at an unexpected place (by the time I'm 35 at nagreresearch sa Africa... hwaw ovaries ko wala na nun!)

Dear Lord, thank you for sending me such great friends. I love them all so much. Keep them always safe and always bless them with your infinite love. Thank you.